Effective communication for CS volunteers

A Quick Guide to the Art of Communication

Promoting effective communication among CouchSurfing volunteers.

Mission

To establish group truth and to make our experiences impeccably honest thus making us fully human.

Sources:

• A small Quetzal Bird.....

Vision

1. to make conversation amongst us as simple as possible.
2. that these conversations are objective and reflect the interpretation of its owners.
3. that the decisions that are made public from these conversations are the collaborated truth, surprising and profound promoters of interpersonal peace, representing the true spirit of CouchSurfing.

For all of us

Established truth, Organized sweet nectar. Fly through us and take us to new heights, remove us out of this nothingness, Of being intimate strangers. Come, and let’s reason together, A web of life.

The need for a solution

As some of us have voiced, our internal communication is lacking effectiveness, in part, because we have yet to establish an organizational structure. However, there is another issue to be addressed: the fragmentation of conversation.

Being such a diverse group, our personal communication skills and methods are fragmented. Being that way, the commitment levels change, while people lose their drive to get stuff done!

So, how can we resolve this? How can we defrag our fragmented conversations? How can we enhance our capability to be together in thought, as we are faced with the tremendous growth of our organization? We would like to present to you a few ideas inspired from the subject called ‘focused conversation’.

The Communications Group would like to acknowledge

1. This is a very extensive subject that would need to be studied more in depth to explore its potential in full. We are here to cover the basics, create awareness by inspiring with excellent communication.
2. This is an attempt to do nothing but to get us all to our own roots. You know the fruit tree that represents the couchsurfing community on the web site? Communication effectiveness is the roots that keep it standing.
3. The ideas presented here help us focus, guides us, give us a bearing. We would like to create the couchsurfing’s North Star.
4. The idea here is since communication is so important, we are inviting you to contribute with your thinking, emotions and experiences. We want to develop this together, connecting the ideas of the group.

What is happening?

Having a collective conversation, that draws out collective meaning and rewards everyone involved, is a challenge that we are not usually faced with.

That is because we are used to a world that hunts for meaning. We are used to and conditioned to be hunters of personal meaning and self affirmation and not pollinators of contributive meaning.

As hunters of personal meaning, we are in a competing environment. Hunting requires something to die in order for something else to live. That is not what is natural. Nature works together, as couchsurfing.com does. As hunters of self affirmation, we hunt for ways to satisfy our inability to think for the long run.

As pollinators, we are producing knowledge with knowledge, by sharing knowledge collectively. We pollinate each other with our knowledge.

CouchSurfing is a representation of the true nature of communication. We, as CouchSurfers, are familiar with what the pollinating analogy exemplifies.

What we need to figure out is a way to share this knowledge in the most efficient way. So, how can we create this communication that is functional, that feels right, that is reliable, that listens and that is put into action? It starts with a single responsibility: that in order for the other person to give the best possible feedback, you must take personal responsibility in asking the right questions. By asking the right questions, requires us to listen fully. It shifts the focus of the conversation from individual reflections on life to shared insight.

Shared insight only comes from a real group experience in communication, which should follow a natural process of perception, response, judgment and decision. An example from the focused conversation manual: a driver is going about as he is about to go through a light and he notices it turns yellow (Objective). He says “Damn!” (Reflective). He makes very fast mental calculations estimating if he will make it through the light before it turns red (interpretive) and based on these calculations, he brakes and the car stops (decisional)

However simple as it sounds, we are not used to this. We jump right into the Interpretive level, evaluating something someone said based on a few words, without first gathering all the objective (tangible) data available from everyone, and before gathering all the reflective (subjective, emotional) data as well. We jump into conclusions, over analyzing, being overly intellectual most of the time and we don’t even realize that there we need to gather the most information from everyone’s senses, memories and feelings in order to make the most of it.

Just like CouchSurfing listens to the user’s requests…got to really listen to each other and ask what each other is feeling, thinking, and pay attention to the questions, motivating each other to respond fully.

A proposition

Let’s use these simple guidelines to answer our emails and to analyze our works, which will stimulate the formation of new groups, create better interpretation and help us with our own thinking process.

Be Objective first: observe the words and think of them and their etymology. What words stand out? Ask questions or write your response starting with your own understanding of the text, almost as if you were to repeat it to everyone and to yourself, just to make sure you understand exactly what the text means. That makes sure we are aware of each other’s thinking patterns and reveals in words the rational understanding of the subject of a person.

Be Reflective next: Reveal your feelings about the subject, your personal opinion, ideas, and associations. Intuition is the keyword here

Be Interpretive next: Reveal what you think is the value of this idea. Show everyone what you think the organization would benefit from the presented document or idea.

Make a decision: Say, Yes! I love it and why, or nah, I don’t…… and why and ad new ideas.

Remember, these simple ideas are supposed to encourage you reflect on what you are learning from a group stand point, not just chit-chat about each other’s personal opinions on a subject.

Some Ideas and other cool stuff:

Believe in everybody. Remember that we are all in a journey of learning and that we need to guide each other to achieve the best. We must acknowledge that we are all equal.

Think of the genius in each one of us: frankly we are so multi faceted and talented that we need to experience each other fully in other to fully respect each other’s talents. Always cheers each other up!

Be extremely clear. That means to fully explain what you are feeling like right now, if there is anything that you don’t like or whatever, voice it! Show your deepest feelings, fears, beliefs, ask the questions that you are afraid of and those that you would not like to ask yourself.

Avoid fragmentation: we are supposed to love each other, by listening. Listening is love in action.

Patience. Don’t interrupt……it makes sense right?

Listen: it creates relationship.

Listen: it is a given. It heals the person that is talking and the listener a natural sense of a relationship being created. Just take a few moments to really listen, without any judgment. It is natural for us humans to be together as it is all things in nature.

Take time to think: Thinking is the paralysis venom to the ego.

Be simple: the deepest thoughts are simple and work the best.

Expect confusion at times: it will be chaotic at times and it is from those chaotic times at someone’s phase in life that a great idea or a twist of faith will happen and change the direction of a conversation.

Be aware: if what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. If what you say disturbs me, I must believe something contrary to you. Be aware of your feelings and your reactions to them.

Exposed: We need to get out and expose ourselves, so we feel what it is to be exposed. When we are heard, we will listen. Once we do that the result will be that we respect more, we are more honest and we are raising consciousness.

We are gifted: If I want my gift to be acknowledged, I need to acknowledge other’s gifts by paying full attention to them.

Improve: Are my relationships being improved with my communication?

It is the same with Nature. A tree creates its own food by collaborating with the sun and the soil. It is through cooperation that the cycles of life are life creators. That is how ecosystems thrive. Partnerships, collaborative systems create balance.

We need each other to be better people.

Effective Communication Examples

• Effective Communication at the NZC
• Non-violent-Communication by Rosenberg