Berlin, Berlin, Germany
Last login 6 days ago
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Hi, I'm Joseph Kerniger. I publish The Sarkist Times focusing on social commentary and insults. I write and record music. I love myself. My face is gorgeous. I'm open like a tunnel. I have one black friend. I'm into fashion though I'm straight. I like art. I have a lot of art-friends. I like artists and I don't like politicians. I do projects. I do photography. I have crazy ideas. I like the internet, I have a poster of the internet above my bed. I like wine. I like sushi. I like social networks. I like pear. My job is creative. I like freedom and peace. I like café. I like salad. I like the future. I'm real. I'm interesting. I have seven billion virtual friends. I have a good haircut. I read books. My favorite book is Facebook. Thanks to Twitter my attention span has dropped to 140 characters. I have the iphone 18. I know the best books. I have a lot of books. I'm good at anything. I can do stuff. I'm slim and tall. I have taste. I think I'm cool. Since my attention span has dropped to less than 140 characters I quit Twitter and started Tumblr. I ride a bike. I care for the earth and all people in it. I care about you. My room is completely white. I wear a scarf. I respect animals, I even know a cow. I wear sun glasses. I like you. I like me. I'm interesting. I'm just me. I'm okay. I'm doing fine. Most of the time I'm happy. Just sometimes I feel down. I have just a few good friends. Actually I'm quite disturbed. I have phases of depression. Sometimes I don't know me. Who am I? What is this shitty life? I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all. My job kills me. I'm ugly. Selfish. I'm not well. This world is a terrible place to begin with. My maternal grandfather was a nazi. Life stinks. I'm not interesting. I'm bored and useless. Got no friends at all. I'm a phony. I'm like anybody else. My parents didn't love me. I have a horrible rash down there. I think I'm falling apart. My cat died and I didn't care. I compensate my meaningless life with excessive consumption of useless things, engaging in mind-numbing activities, surrounding myself with dull people who talk, dress and behave just like me so I don't have to question this uttermost nonsensical process called life and everything stupid in it. I hate myself... sorry... got a little bit emotional... where was I?
Best way to find out about oneself is through others: When I was five my dad always used to say that I'm a narcissistic nihilistic son of a gun. A miserable misantrope confined to his own weird mind. Most likely to die alone overdosing on his cockiness. My mother was more compassionate: She categorically refrained from making any remark on my behalf instead she filed a restraining order against me. They raised me good though.
There are no parallel dimensions in which we co-exist and if they exist: Would I have to pay bills there too? There is no eternal bliss. I don't have an inner child, I have a stressed stomach. I do confine myself through brand soda. There are no hidden forces which keep everything in balance. I don't need to go to India for enlightenment, I need someone to do my job, then I'd find time to take care of my enlightenment. I don't need to travel the world, wherever I may go, there will always be me. I don't leave a footprint on this earth, this earth leaves a footprint on me. I don't care whether there is extra-terrestrial intelligence, I wonder whether there are intelligent life-forms on this planet. The question is, to do or to do in style? I don't have values, I'm missing a value system. I'll not be rewarded in the afterlife because I'm humble, nice and such. I don't believe in a global village: I'm well informed about the exploitation of Guatemala's farmers but that my neighbour died, remained unnoticed for three weeks. God's no wise bearded man, most likely she's an obnoxious accountant who earns less than her younger collegues. A starving child is not saved if I don't throw away good food. I'm not part of some universal plan. I'm not self-sufficient, I need complex social networks to position myself. Earth's a paradise? I'm from germany, it's rather freezing. I'm forced to compare myself to billions of people, this leaves me quite disoriented. I don't have time to connect to other people's inner self. Please give me a summary. Just because I don't smoke doesn't mean that I'm immune to lung cancer. Living increases the chance of dying by 100%. Do I care because it matters or does it matter because I care? I'm on my way to death and this scares me big time. My body is not a church, it's an outwearing tool. Organic food does not prevent death. The ecosystem does not depend on my opinion on alternative energy. I can't do anything for future generations. Though It would have been cool if past generations had done anything for me. I'm not a waiter who wants to become an artist rather an artist who wants to become a waiter. There is only here and now and there is a chance that here and now is slightly boring or that here and now is everything where I don't want to be or at least that here and now I'm broke.
HOW I PARTICIPATE IN COUCHSURFING
I like to meet new people until I find the perfect ones. Once I've found them, I'll get rid of the mediocre crap and stay with the best.
I grew incredibly fond of some surfers I hosted. I even kept a few. They lived with me ever since. Couldn't let them go. They were too cute. My appartment is kinda crowded since then. Will move them to the balcony in the summer. There were also some couch surfers who I disliked, fed them to the ones I kept.
I like travelling. Especially in summer when the train is crowded, the air conditioner is broken. Outside it's 90 degrees, the train's toilets are overflowing. I'm sitting between two sweaty, old men. The man on my left is smoking cheap cigarillos, the man on my right is allergic to cigarette-smoke. A hitchhikers' backpack hits me in the face while some arab right behind my ear is shouting into his phone, gently wishing his girlfriend a good night. Somewhere a sick baby is screaming relentlessly inspiring some other baby to join in. There's a german sandals-wearing backpacker in front of me whose toenails require a weapons license. Flies die in mid-air because of lack of oxygen. Some drunk shouts through the whole waggon. Some fat lady is cursing the conductor. Some hippies gather to beat their drums. I wish their drums would beat them. A class of children with ADHS-syndrome is running up and down the aisle, desperate for some ritalin. It's seven o'clock in the morning. I couldn't brush my teeth and I haven't had my coffee yet. That's when I suddenly awake and realize it was just a dream. I hate travelling.
I like movies about jewish, handicapped, afro-american transvestites living in underprivileged life situations struggling with coming of age, their social role, and old-fashioned parents and I like Disney movies too.
Once I got pulled out of a woman's stomach through her pussy. Disgusting. Later I learned that it was my own mother. Super-disgusting. What do I search for in a woman I don't believe in love on first sight but in hate in long time relationships. I don't believe in real love, I believe in real estate. My girlfriend left me when I was still a little child. Since then, I'm living seperated from myself in my mother's old pussy. She just used it as a garden shed, so it's fine. I search a woman or woman-like being. She should have hair. I like hair. Actually I search for my mother in every woman I meet. So, if you're a patronizing, self-absorbed, vicious bitch, we'll probably just get along fine. Check out my OkCupid profile.
I went through some hard time in my life and I emerged with the following life-changing mottos to which I cling on for dear life up to this day: "Live life, then die.", "If you don't like something, change it, if you can't change it, don't change it." But my all-time favorite quote might be just: "Showtime!"
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