Need Advice on Leaving A Reference -- Thanks In Advance!

Rich F.

@rich-friedmanWilton Manors, Florida, United States

Need Advice on Leaving A Reference -- Thanks In Advance!

I just hosted someone for two nights. Now it’s time to leave a reference. Here’s my take on the visit…

He was an hour late for our meeting at my house. I left where I was (it was a Friday night) to go home to wait for him. When he finally called, he was lost a couple of blocks from my house and I went to collect him… that’s no big deal; my place is hard to find.

It just didn’t go well. A lot of it was that we had different personalities. But, personality aside, he needed to shower really badly. Really badly. We both had plans for Saturday during the day, but we decided to meet back at the house Saturday night ‘to do something.’ We coordinated later Saturday, and he was again a half hour late for our meetup. On the phone, I mentioned a sports bar close to my place. We’re both sports fans, so I figured that would work. He didn’t say no. Well, he got to my place, and asked if he could eat first because things were expensive and he didn’t have a lot of money. I am certainly aware of budget restrictions, so of course I understood, but where were we going to go at 11:00 pm on a Saturday that didn’t involve spending money? So we stayed in and watched the end of the football game.

At midnight, I told him that I was going to sleep, and I would be leaving at noon for the day, and he should be ready to go by then. At that point, he asked if he could extend his stay for another couple of days. I told him no, I had plans for Sunday and couldn’t host any longer. He then immediately jumped on the internet, hunting for a host. I heard him on the phone fairly late, but he found someone.

The next morning, he was ready to leave at noon. He thanked me; we said our good-byes.

He pretty much cleaned up after himself, didn’t break or steal anything, and offered to strip his bed if I wanted… all the things all good guests do.

We just didn’t hit it off. Partly due to personalities, and partly because I (think that I) resented his using my place as a crash pad – I like when I get to know and spend time with my guests.

Here’s my problem: The first question CS asks is: Would you host him again? For me, the answer is no. But I’m not sure that you shouldn’t host him. You might get along better; you might be OK with not being involved with your guests. But no, I wouldn’t offer him my guest room again.

He has 55 positive (with experiences radically different than mine) and two neutral references, so I’m ok with assuming that the problem is me. But that doesn’t change the fact that the ‘would you host again’ answer is no.

So I’m looking for advice on leaving a reference. I’m open to suggestions and questions. Thanks.

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BrandeeInFlorida S.

@BrandeeInFloridaCoral Springs, Florida, Estados Unidos

Hi Rich, If it asks if YOU would host him again, answer honestly! Also, you've pretty much already written your reference above! "He did all the things good guests do but we just didn't hit it off, partly due to personalities and partly because I resented him using my place as a crash pad" or something like that. I understand where you are coming from, my biggest pet peeve is when surfers simply use my place to crash, that is what airbnb is for. Don't let his 55 positive references deter you, you have every right to feel how you feel! It is your RESPONSIBILITY to write an accurate and honest reference for the next host. Hosts like me depend on that Rich! Let me know if you need any more help.

Gabriel K.

@gabriel-komlosiBoca de Ratones, Florida, Estados Unidos

Hi, I think you answered your own question. But in the end it's up to you.Good luck.

Paul R.

@paulreganPompano Beach, Florida, Estados Unidos

I agree with Brandee

Ken D.

@NAKEDGRINGODeLand, Florida, United States

Brandee is right. It is your responsibility to leave a fair and honest review so other hosts can make an educated decision.

martin v.

@martinvecchioBarcelona, Comunidad Autónoma de Cataluña, España

Copy and paste your letter in the review. It Is fair and square. Otherwise it is a vicious cycle where a good scholar gets good grades because he has good grades already. My 2 cents.

Ian M.

@ianmcintyreMiami, Florida, Estados Unidos

The previous responders summed it up. You are obviously a thoughtful person, with a slightly uncomfortable position. The copy and paste idea is a good one. Go for it.

Rich F.

@rich-friedmanWilton Manors, Florida, United States

Thank you all. I kind of knew that was the right answer; it just felt bad.

Rich F.

@rich-friedmanWilton Manors, Florida, United States

Here's what I'm thinking...

Xxxxx was looking for somewhere to stay for two nights due to some work he had in South Florida. He didn’t do anything wrong; we just didn’t hit it off. A lot of it was that we were looking for different CS experiences. He got lost and was late for the initial meet at my apartment, due to GPS problems… it happens. He pretty much cleaned up after himself, didn’t break or steal anything, brought his own food, and offered to strip his bed if I wanted… all the things all good guests do. It was partly due to personalities, and partly because I (think that I) resented his using my place as a crash pad – I like when I get to know and spend time with my guests.