Logo orange


Flower Mound, TX, USA

Not Accepting Guests

Last login 1 day ago

Join Couchsurfing to see I_RUN2LIVE's full profile. It's free!

View Full Profile


  • 7 Positive References
  • Fluent in English; learning Spanish
  • 50, Male
  • Member since 2011
  • Engineer
  • Overly, life, mistakes
  • From Somewhere in the US!!!
  • Profile 100% complete

About Me


Lose the weight I added while my right foot was injured.

Get a job in VA so that I can live in my own home and be with my family.


Sept 1, 2015:

I had a friend of mine post on FB about how she tried to help a friend who was in an abusive marriage. After 2 weeks of staying with my friend she went back to her abusive husband. It made me think about when you said to me that something bad happened to you. It reminded me of how I failed you. I still feel very guilty about that. I am so sorry I didn't know what to say, and didn't know what something bad happening to a woman must mean. It should have been very obvious, but it was absolutely beyond me. It was outside of my range of experiences in life. I hope that some day you can forgive me for not knowing what to say and not knowing what to do. With regard to that, it was my first rodeo, and it showed.

I know I have said this many times, but I will say it again. I am very sorry that I didn't know what to say that night, and the days, weeks, months, and now years later. I have tried my best. I am sorry that I didn't and haven't known what to say. I am sorry that I didn't measure up to the requirements of the situation. I failed you completely, accidentally scared you, and foolishly let a small insult get to me, and did something completely stupid that scared someone I respect highly, think the world of, and care about a lot. I hope that if you haven't done so already, I hope that some day you can find it in your heart to forgive my failings and shortcomings with regard to this. And I also hope that some day you will afford me the opportunity to tell you that I am very sorry in person, and allow me try at least in a small way to make amends to you.

Take care mi amiga querida.

Aug 31, 2015:

My training for the half marathon is going well. I'm not as fast as I would like to be, but putting up the fight to get better is part of the reward. I am getting better. Just not as fast as I would like. I'm also requiring more time to get warmed up. This being 50 thing is for the birds!!!

I had a phone call from a recruiter today. The job is in wine country in Southern California in a town called Temecula. The hiring manager and I know each other. I hope that is a good thing. Knock on wood.

Take care.

Aug 30, 2015:

I had a good workout today. I'll probably be sore in the morning, but that is ok. 9 weeks to go until my half marathon in Philadelphia on Halloween. It's been so long since I've been able to run that far. I'm adding distance and speed. I hope that I can push myself hard enough while training without injuring myself.

I'm sending out resumes. Kinda sad, but necessary. My employer seems to be having a lot of financial difficulty, not to mention that currently we don't have a product to sell. I'm not going to wait for the place to collapse.

I'm going home this coming weekend. That will be good. I haven't been home in a while. Maybe I'll get my 50th birthday party. I'm not holding my breath on that though. Only 3 months late.

I shouldn't feel bitter. My wife does have a lot of redeeming qualities. But not having a 50th party after I gave my wife a surprise party...It felt like no reciprocation. But she does have other good qualities...I still would have liked to have had a party, a cake with my name on it, and so on...I'll get over it.

I hope you are doing well.

Take care.

Aug 29, 2015:

I had a nice workout outside. I got a little overheated, but was otherwise ok. I slipped into a KFC to cool off and rehydrate.

The sweet girl at work. She was getting mildly flirtatious with me. That was kinda cool, as she is a stunner. However, after what happened between you and me I am keeping a discreet distance. I'll have to admit I'm a little afraid of letting my guard down again. I don't want to grow to really like someone and have the rug pulled out from under me. What happened between you and me is one of the saddest things that has ever happened to me. I never want to experience a friend shunning me again, refusing to accept my apologizes, refusing to let me apologize, etc. 5 years later I still feel heart broken.

It's interesting. When I am the saddest concerning everything is when I am able to be the funniest. I cover up my sadness with humor. Being humorous makes the pain of being sad go away, at least for a little bit.

But anyway, this girl is really nice. About 23 or 24, about 5'8", 110 lbs tops, fair skin, blue eyes, long strawberry blonde hair. She is an absolute stunner. I'm not sure she knows how pretty she is though.

She seems very smart. She asks good questions. I think she'll do very well once she learns her job.

Running tonight: I've continued to keep the promise I made to you and Derya. I wear light colored clothing at night. One time it probably saved my life.

It was funny. When you confronted me about running outside at night wearing dark clothing you were so polite about it. Then Derya attacked me like a shrew. It was funny. This short petite girl getting in my face yelling at me for being foolish. I got the message though. And I've never broken the promise I made to both of you. Nor will I break any of the other promises I made to you.

Take care,
Aug. 26, 2015:

OMG I am sore. My right hamstring refused to cooperate, so I did upper body work instead, which I'm not really used to. I wish I had a hot tube to soak my muscles in. I'm sore where I'm not used to being sore. Sigh.

I'm still not sure about my employer. All the signs seem to be pointing towards a meltdown of some sort, possibly going out of business. The investors have very deep pockets, but their patience seems to be running thin. Oh well.

Anyway, I hope you are doing well.

Take care.

Aug 24, 2015

I had a phone screen today. It seemed to go well. Good thing. I'm really afraid about my employer. The place isn't doing well. And I think the investors are growing impatient. Rightly so, I might add.

I'm pretty sore. I had a good workout 2 days in a row. That is good. But the muscles hurt.

I hope all is well.

Aug 23, 2015:

I think my employer is having financial difficulty. Nobody got paid on Friday. They blamed it on a software glitch. I suppose I should have checked to see if I got paid, but I haven't. I'll find out tomorrow. The warning signs are there of layoffs. My plan wasn't to stay here forever, but it saddens me that this place may collapse. I'l be looking for work again immediately. Sadly.

At least I had a good run yesterday. I did it outside. The first time in a long time. I'm about to go and do it again. It's good therapy for me, mentally.

I hope you are doing well. I'm sad right now.

Take care Amiga.

Aug 20, 2015: OMG, my body really hurts tonight. Tomorrow may be a rest day. Sigh. I was in work till 10:30. Yuck! Oh well.

Aug 19, 2015:

OMG, my body hurts. I've been exercising. Good thing. But my 50 year old body takes longer to recover. Boo! But I'm getting better, and I'm getting closer to the 1/2 marathon in Philadelphia on Halloween. I may not run like the wind, but I'll finish it.

Aug 16, 2015:

Today I rested. My right hamstring was a little sore. I should have done more than I did today, but such is life.

I saw a quote from Robin Williams, talking about how faking a smile can cover up how much pain you are in. It made me think of you. It made me feel very guilty for not being able to figure out what was wrong, especially when you said something bad had happened to you. I just hope some day you can find it in your heart to forgive me for that, and everything that happened after that. Seeing that quote reminded me how dumb I was.

I hope some day you are able find peace concerning whatever it was. And I am very sorry that I didn't know how to help you. You were so sweet and nice and kind to me, and I failed you miserably. I hope some day you will allow me to at least in some small way to make amends to you. I had a really stupid moment in my life after Nov. 2010. I hope you will let me some day perform some act of penance to at least in a small way make amends to you. It may not fix everything, but I at least wish to demonstrate my sincerity in wanting to make things right. You were very good to me. You treated me with sweetness and kindness. You were about the only person who at least for a time let me be your friend.

The gift of friendship is so precious. I value it highly, and consider it to be like a precious metal or gem. Very valuable, something worth putting considerable effort into to cultivate. And when you stopped talking to me, I reacted like a shepherd looking for a lost sheep. I'm sorry that what I did upset you, but I don't apologize for trying to save a friendship. I believe both then and now that you are worthy of going the extra mile for. I suppose I went overboard doing that. And I am very sorry that by going overboard doing that I accidentally scared you and upset you. My methods, to be blunt, were completely ineffectual and leaved a lot to be desired.

The sentiment behind the actions I believe I have nothing to apologize for. I became very concerned, especially when you accepted my peace offering, wrote a nice thank you note, which I still have (it's a prized possession), but then got worse than before. That got my attention, and made me wonder if something else was wrong. That's why I asked if we could talk.

My methods were a complete disaster. But my motivations were correct. I was concerned about a very nice lady (you) who I had sincerely grow to care about because you are a very nice person, and had treated me with sincere sweetness and kindness. Your pretty eyes didn't hurt, I will confess. But the reason I grew to care about you is that you are a nice person. You were very kind and talked to me when I was lonely. I can't tell you how much that meant and still means to me. I felt like a man in the desert who had found an oasis.

Anyway, I just wanted to reiterate my sincere desire, that if I am ever offered the opportunity to apologize to you, I will gladly accept the offer and take advantage of the opportunity to at least in a small way make amends to a very nice lady who treated me with extreme kindness when I needed a friend.

Take care Amiga.

Aug 15, 2015;

I got a memo from work yesterday. While I was planning on using my vacation time over Christmas anyway, we are required to burn 80 hours of vacation between now and the end of the year. I'm sure it's an accounting thing.. Making everyone use vacation time reduces liabilities, and at the same time, reduces labor expenses. It's only a gimmick. The sad thing is that if there is a layoff it leaves people vulnerable. Hiring has stopped. New equipment installation has stopped. The outside of a new building is being finished, but the inside isn't. What it portends I'm not sure, but I'm starting to send out resumes. I hadn't intended on staying here forever, but this is speeding up the process.

I swear I can never get a break. At least I have some cash flow for the moment.

I hope you are doing well.

Take care

Aug 13, 2015:

Am very tired. I love my fitbit, but it's telling me to take a day off from exercising. Boo!

Right now I'm just tired. I feel very numb.

You're breaking my heart. It kills me that you haven't been on in over a month. Makes me feel sad.

Aug. 12, 2015:

Work: A global email was sent out concerning cost cutting. Labor was listed as one of the items. Boo.

I went to the Y to exercise, and my legs wouldn't cooperate. So I did my upper body. The heart rate didn't get as high, but at least I did SOMETHING. I'll try running again tomorrow.

Aug 10, 2015:

I had an absolutely rotten day at work. I ended up staying late, and missed exercising. I handled it in a very mature manner: I had dinner at Hooters! I very pretty young lady served me. Her name is Shireen, a middle to light skinned black lady. When she asked me if I needed anything else, I said if I were 20 years younger I would probably ask her for her phone number. She liked the compliment. It was enjoyable to compliment someone and get a positive response.

Work is going to be a pain tomorrow. Sigh.

I hope you are doing well. It was nice to be able to compliment a pretty lady and see her smile because I said something nice. I wanted so much to do that for you. I wanted to say nice things to you and do nice things to you and for you, and see you smile in response. You were really nice and sweet to me. I so much wanted to return the favor. I still can't grasp what was wrong with trying to be nice to you. It causes me great sadness. Even now after a decent period of time. Am still sad over everything that happened. :(

Aug 9, 2015:

I had a nice workout. I didn't push real hard. I needed a rest day.

Aug 5, 2015:

I about killed myself on my workout. My legs are dead. But damn it feels good. I think I'll be ready for the 1/2 marathon come Halloween.

The young engineer at work. I ended up staying late. We had a nice conversation. She is so sweet. I wish I were about 25 years younger and unmarried. I think I could be very happy being married to her. From a physical standpoint not my type (pale skin, blonde hair blue eyes). I prefer morenas. But damn she is nice, and she is stunningly beautiful. I will envy her husband when she chooses to get married. She is beautiful, and is a real sweet heart.

I had a second relative die. My aunt died a few days after my uncle, her husband. In some ways tragic, in other was merciful. More of the latter than the former. My aunt was in horrible pain and suffering. I'm sorry she is gone, but am relieved that her suffering is over with. She was a nice lady.

Aug 4, 2015:

I went to my uncle's funeral over the weekend. He was old, and his body wore out. I'm sad that he died, but am relieved that his suffering has ended. His wife, my aunt, died last night. From the reports I heard she was in awful pain. Her death was probably merciful.

I'm continuing to train. My speed is still slow. On the other hand, I haven't been pushing hard either. I have some fear of getting re-injured. Sigh.

I continue to pray for your wellbeing. I hope that all is well with you, that you are happy, healthy, that you are in a job that you love, and that you are paid well, I hope that you find peace, happiness, and prosperity.

Off to rest. I woke up sick this morning, and went into work late. I feel kinda tired and weak, but am otherwise ok.

Take care

July 29, 2015:

Nothing exciting today. I went to a business dinner that lasted until 11 pm. It was fun.

2 coworkers are quitting. I'm going to try and replace both of them with friends. May as well have my homies here. Makes me happy!

Tomorrow I drive to Delaware for my Uncle's funeral. Very sad. He was an old man. He explicitly stated he was ready to die. He chose to go on hospice. I'm sad at his departure. But he got to choose the place, manner, and more or less, the time of his passing. He was a good man who I will sorely miss.

Nothing else much going on here. I hope you are doing well.

July 26, 2015

A sad day today. One of my uncles died. He died in his sleep. He was very old, and explicitly said he was ready to die. I am said, but am glad his suffering has come to an end. He was a good man and will be sorely missed.

I had a nasty headache today that took forever to go away. It finally did. Am about to go and exercise.

I'll be traveling to Philadelphia for the funeral. The date and time hasn't been set yet, but the place was decided decades ago. I'll bring some extra flowers to place on my Dad's grave, as he is buried there as well.

I haven't been there in some time. What it comes down to is I didn't want to become one of those sick people who talk to tombstones. I do sometimes dream about my Dad. I miss him terribly. He died very young. He had an auto-immune disease that required immuno-suppressive drugs to keep in check. Bottom line is the drugs he took to stay alive him leukemia. Kind of a devil's bargain. However, I got an extra 17 years of being able to have my Dad around because of those drugs. A bitter bargain my Dad had, but I'm glad he was alive for an extra 17 years because of those drugs.

Anyway, I'm kinda sad today. But I'm doing ok.

I hope you are well. I continue to pray for your well being.

Take care,



My foot seems to be doing better. I think I just had some scar tissue break. It's excruciating when it happens. But then a few min later it's ok.

I had a slow workout tonight. I just wanted to take it easy.

July 23, 2015

I think I need prayers Amiga. It feels like my tendinitis has returned. :(

July 21, 2015:

I had a nice workout tonight. I lowered the pace a bit as I was feeling kinda tired.

My preparation for my 1/2 marathon on Halloween proceeds. I'm not where I want to be yet, but I am getting there. I am getting excited. About 100 days away!

I do hope you will think nice thoughts for me that day. I think that would make up for you being rude to me in 2011 on the day before the blizzard when I was telling you about running my first 1/2 marathon. I know my timing was perhaps bad. But I was trying to use it as a way to defuse the argument we were having. I thought and still think it was and is a peaceful subject. I never imagined you would react the way that you did.

Anyway, here is the link. I hope you will wish me well that day.


Take care

July 19, 2015:

Nothing really exciting happened today. Except for the massive thunderstorm and tornado. But otherwise quiet. I had a nice workout. They are really progressing nicely. I can feel that I'm getting stronger. I'm not where I want to be, but I am much further ahead than I was 6 months ago.

I've been yet again going over in my head what went wrong. Here is one possibility that I came up with: I misjudged you. After interacting with you for several months I came to the conclusion you were one of the nicest people who I had ever met. I thought that was an accurate assessment. Today I believe that assessment is still valid. However, it has occurred to me that perhaps because I was so lonely that just about any girl who smiled at me once I would fall for. It's also occurred to me that perhaps you aren't a nice person, that you maybe have a nice person persona that you wear at work, but underneath that sweet persona is a nasty person. My Maternal Grandmother was like that. She wore a sweet face at work, but was really nasty to my grandfather. She managed to fool a lot of people, but some eventually figured out how nasty she was.

My heart says you are a sweet, nice, and kind person. Even though that's an irrational opinion, especially after everything that has happened, that's the opinion I'm sticking with. I thought you were a really sweet, nice, and kind person 5 years ago. I want to continue to believe that, even though it is more and more seeming that this was perhaps a persona you were wearing, or perhaps I was so lonely that I was seeing what I wanted to see, a really sweet, nice, and kind person. Even though I have no rational basis for continuing to believe that, it's what I want to believe. I want to believe that you are a just really sweet, nice, kind, wholesome girl-next-door sort of person. I want to believe that you are a good person, a person I could introduce to my Mom.

If somehow or another I was completely wrong about you, please don't burst my bubble. I don't want to believe anything bad about you. I want to continue to believe that you are a wonderful person who I am really thankful wandered into my life. And I want to believe that somehow or another this is just some small misunderstanding that a short conversation, a contrite apology, and perhaps a small gift could fix. I want to believe that this was all just some silly misunderstanding that once we understand what it is we could laugh at.

Anyway, I hope you are doing well.

Take care.
July 18, 2015:

I took a trip to Burlington, VT yesterday. The place is beautiful. I liked a lot. I was there on business.

I've thought some more about how our friendship fell apart. I wonder had you realized how lonely I was if you would have acted differently towards me. Would you have not been so friendly towards me? Would you have had sympathy for me and been more friendly? I don't know.

It's one of those imponderables.

I suppose what people don't know about each other maybe causes things like this. The gaps in our knowledge of each other. Misunderstandings due to holes in our knowledge of each other.

It's also occurred to me that perhaps you were just being polite to me. I suppose that if you are really lonely that you could mistake politeness and common courtesy for someone liking you.

No matter what, I will always have a positive opinion of you. I think you are a really wonderful, exceptional person. I think meeting you is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

Take care

July 14, 2015:

I'm half way through my period of indentured servitude where I am at. I'm not too hip on the 2 feet of snow that we had here for 2 months last winter, plus the third month for the 2 feet of snow to melt. Not my speed at all.

I met a nice young lady at work today. She's a recent college graduate. Very sweet. A little shy. But she seems outgoing, so I expect the shyness to go away soon.

If I were an unmarried man who was a lot younger, after taking some time to get to know her, I would probably take a chance and ask her out. She's very skinny. About 5'8", maybe 110 lbs. Long strawberry blonde hair, very pale complexion. She looks more like a model than an engineer. From a physical standpoint not my first choice. Me encante morenas. However, she is absolutely stunning.

However, I have learned my lesson from you. Stick to business at work. No presents, and so on.

However, she is really sweet. She makes me wish I were younger, unmarried, and so on. But the lesson was learned with you. No exercising together, no going to a 5K together, and so on. No matter how much it kills me. I don't think she would freak out the way you did when I made you a cup of tea. But I'm not going to take a chance. I don't want to grow to like someone and have that person withdraw their friendship because I made her a cup of tea. I still can't wrap my mind around that and understand that, but, it is. I have no desire to go through the heart ache of growing to really like someone, find myself wondering what married life would be like with this person, finding myself thinking that I think this girl would make a good wife, and then when I try to reciprocate being treated kindly, having all signs of friendship withdrawn. No more greeting in the morning. No more encouragement after exercising. And so on. I don't ever want to suffer the pain of a friend walking out on me again. Ever.

Anyway, I hope you are well.

Take care.


July 13, 2015: A:

Something that I haven't thought about in a while. The day we had that big argument, the day before the blizzard. After the peak of the argument when I changed the subject, and then you insulted me, I went to my office. A few minutes later you came to my office, started yelling at me, and said that you Dad said you needed to be direct with men, and said that there was nothing for me to save. I never have quite understood what you were trying to say, as I that day I was trying to find out of there was something bothering you. I was starting to suspect that there was something more to this than you just telling me to buzz off. A year later it occurred to me that perhaps you were trying to back away from the insult that you had hurled at me. I didn't get it at the time. I hope I am correct, as it would confirm to me that you are a good person. Even a good person can say something mean in the heat of the moment, but a good person will come back and try and make amends. If you will recall 3 days later I asked you to meet me at the Mongolian bbq. I didn't want it to fester. What you said stung, but I wanted the 2 of us to have the opportunity to maybe back away from some of the things we had said to each other. Maybe I should have explicitly said that you were worrying me. I truly was trying to be a good friend.

Over Valentine's Day when I got grouchy at you. You asked me what you should have said. I was dead silent. I was so mad at you. Then you said something nice, which was to point out that I was being foolish running in the dark with ninja type clothing. Thank you for saying that. I still follow the promise I made to you and Derya concerning wearing brightly colored clothing at night when running. One time it probably saved my life 4 years ago.

But anyway, what should you have said. You should have introduced me to Daniel as one of the managers at where we worked, and explained what my job role was there, which is what Brandon had done a few minutes earlier. Although I was kinda grouchy at being treated disrespectfully, I was truly concerned with trying to make the point that you should introduce someone who was your superior as such, even though you weren't my direct report. It's just good form, and a peevish person might hold it against you years into the future .

Where I am working right now, 15-17 years ago someone at a place i worked at a long time ago was very rude to one of the managers here, completely snubbed him, and refused to meet with him even though he had flown across the Atlantic.

Scroll the calendar forward to the 2010's. The person who had snubbed the manager where I am working had the guy who had snubbed him's resume come across the desk of the person who had been snubbed. Needless to say, the person who had been rude wasn't given a chance.

Anyway, that's what I was getting at. I was trying to teach you something very important for the business world, and even though I was really pissed at you, I still cared about you and was trying to bring it to your attention that you had committed a serious faux pas. Even though I was mad at you, underneath it all, I was concerned about you and trying to help you.

Ditto with when I brought it to your attention your punctuality or lack thereof. It wasn't about OSU. That place was fantasyland. What I was more concerned about was that you were about to graduate in a few months and had some really bad habits, especially your punctuality. You pull the stunt that you pulled daily in a business, being at least 45 minutes late, with one exception when Derya got you hide in gear and you were merely 35 minutes late, by the second or third time you'll get fired. I wanted to make sure that you had good work habits for when you graduated and got into the so-called "real world."

When I was waiting for you the day after I said something to you you gave me the meanest looks. I wish I had had a camera to get the look on your face. You were so mad at me, but couldn't really say anything. The look on your face was just precious. The best part is that you aren't a mean person, and you have a hard time staying mad at someone.

I must confess. There was a small game I started playing. It was to see if I could sneak up on you, say hi, and catch you with your guard down. When I was able to do that I got to see your genuine reaction to me. There were a couple of times you would give your genuine reaction to me, which was nice, which says to me underneath everything you were doing maybe somewhere you maybe liked me a little bit. It was funny the look you had on your face. I could see you think, "Damn, I didn't mean to be nice to him."

Also, if you hadn't had enough sleep the night before, when you were still tired and drowsy, you would give your genuine reaction to me. There were times I would go and talk to you while you were still drowsy. At least for those few minutes I got to talk to the girl who I really liked.

I don't know where we would be today if I hadn't let that insult you hurled at me get to me. That was very immature. I hope you can some day forgive me. And I hope some day you will let me apologize to you. You were, are, and continue to be one of the nicest persons who I have ever met. I sincerely wish to apologize to you for being stupid, unthoughtful, prideful, arrogant, and a whole list of negative adjectives that describes the series of events that lead us to meet in court. I hope some day I get the opportunity to perform an act of contrition to at least in a small way begin to make amends for being incredibly stupid to one of the nicest persons who I have ever met. I hope some day I get the opportunity to atone for upsetting you in Mar. 2011. Even if I don't get you back as my friend, I still want to do what is right for someone I once called friend. I held you in the highest esteem 5 years ago. I still do today.

I am 100% positive that you are still the nice person you were 5 years ago. A little older, a lot wiser, but still the same sweet person who charmed me into submission. I want to do what it takes to if not get back in your good graces, than to at least get us to where we can part ways on peaceful terms. I don't want you to hate me, or however it is that you feel about me. And I don't want to have any negative feelings about you.

Please write me a note or an email and let me know how you feel about this. I don't want this simmering antagonism to go on forever. I want to bring it to an end.

If you don't want to contact me directly, than go through one of our mutual friends. But whatever you decide, let's not let this go on any longer. The time for us to be friends may have passed, but I still wish to be on peaceful terms with you. I am willing to entertain any suggestions that you may have.

I respectfully await your reply.

July 13, 2015: I feel sick today. I've been sick for 5 days, and have only exercised 1 time over that stretch. Ugh!!! I do seem to be feeling better.

It looks like I'm taking a trip to Burlington, VT at the end of the week. I've never been there before, so that should be fun. It's for a business trip. I'm staying overnight and will be doing some site seeing.

I discovered that my cousin lives nearby. I haven't seen him in over a decade. I found his FB profile and sent him a message.

I'm just getting by for the moment. I do sincerely hope you are doing well. You are a good person, I care for you deeply, even though you've made it clear you want nothing to do with me. In spite of all that, I wish you the best. I want you to be happy. I hope you are able to fulfill all of your dreams and aspirations in life. I hope you find happiness, good health, and good fortune. I hope you are always surrounded by caring friends and relatives. I hope the wind is always at your back pushing you forward. I hope the sun is always shining on you making your day bright. I wish you the best. I wish you happiness. I hope you can find it in your heart to wish the same for me.

Take care,

July 10, 2015: I am a very happy man today! :) No explanation needed. :)

I've been sick the past two days. So I didn't train. I think I'll be good for the morning. At least I hope so.

To reiterate what I said earlier, you made your position plain, and have 3 times explicitly told me you didn't want to be my friend. Although that saddens me greatly, I can reluctantly accept that, if that's what you really want. But what we have today isn't peace. It's like a cold war style stalemate. It may not be open hostility, but it isn't peace. I want peace. You were always very kind to me. I don't want either one of us to have any hostile feelings towards the other.

Please let me know what you want from me. I don't want the situation that we have now to persist any longer. I still don't know what happened between the two of us, how our friendship fell apart. I want some peaceful resolution where we can part ways on peaceful terms.

5 years ago I came to the conclusion that you were one of the nicest persons who I had ever met. I still hold that opinion of you. You are very nice, very sweet, and very kind. You are also very smart. And I'm not going to play dumb and pretend that I didn't notice how pretty you are. At least to my eyes, you are very beautiful.

But back on to the point I'm trying to make. I hold you in very high esteem. I think the world of you. I think you are very trustworthy, and so on. Anyway, it breaks my heart what happened between us. I wish I knew how to fix it, but you've made your position plain. But that doesn't mean we can't have peace with each other. Right now we don't have peace. I am wiling to entertain any suggestions that you may have for securing peace with one another. What happened between you and me has never happened to me before 2010/11, and it hasn't happened since. I hope it never happens to me again. While the time for friendship between the two of us may have passed for good, I hope the time for peace still exists. You are a good woman, and I hope you feel that I am a good person as well. I'm asking for forgiveness, and am offering it as well. You didn't do anything real bad to me, but you did upset me a few times. You've been forgiven long ago.

You still have both my email address and my phone number. If you ever wish to discuss this, please contact me. I know I don't have any ill feelings towards you, and I hope you have none towards me. I sincerely wish to bring this to an amicable end. I will entertain any suggestions that you might make.

I respectfully await your reply.

July 8, 2015: My training is progressing nicely. I am not where I want to be by any stretch of the imagination, but I am getting stronger daily.

I've been thinking about some of the reasons our friendship fell apart. I didn't think that it should have mattered. However, the fact that there is a 19 year age difference between us. I think some of it may have been due to being different ages we saw the world differently, and interpreted actions by each other differently. I'm not meaning it as an accusation or anything. It just is. It really saddens me because I thought and still think the world of you. I hold you in very high esteem. But I think that somehow or another the 19 year age difference had something to do with our friendship falling apart. Maybe it was just that we were at different stages in life. But I think that somehow or another this was a big cause of our friendship just evaporating.

It's sad. I go into work. I smile at everyone, young and old, male and female. Men of any age and any ethnicity will return a smile. But American girls below 40, not so much. It seems that somehow or another they view being smiled at negatively. It saddens me, as I wonder how many friendships with wonderful ladies I am missing out on. If they don't return the smile I don't force it.

Interestingly, girls from Asia quickly return smiles. It seems that have a different attitude on the subject. Both Indian and Chinese girls, if I smile at them, they smile back. There are 2, one Chinese, one Indian, who initiate smiles with me. Both are very sweet girls. They are the only two girls under 30 at my work who have taken the time to learn my name and so on. They are both very nice.

I don't know how long the half marathon I am preparing for will take, but my training is on a positive progression. I am using an exercise bike, and then I switch to a treadmill. I'm not very fast right now, but I am able to finish what I desire to finish. I am pleased with the progress.

Anyway, I hope you are doing very well.

Take care,

June 30, 2015: I had a nice workout tonight, but OMG I was draggy and was sweating profusely. Then I realized the treadmill I was on wasn't under a fan! :) Opps!

I got home tonight, and called me wife. As she often does, she said something cruel to me. I think she's just acting out like a 3 year old because she misses me. Still, it's painful. I think 5 years ago one of the reasons I used to have long conversations with you was to make the pain of my wife's cruelty go away. And to ease my loneliness. After she was cruel to me tonight I was wishing I could talk to you. Talking with you used to make the pain go away. I think that's one of the reasons I kinda freaked out when you stopped talking to me. I no longer had a way to get rid of the pain from when my wife was cruel to me (a frequent occurrence). I can't tell you how horrible it is when you are lonely, and you call up someone you love, and the person lashes out at you. It's the proverbial death by 1000 cuts. It's frequently random things that you have no way to prepare for.

There's something else. The roses I gave you. What you didn't know was it was in close proximity to my wedding anniversary. One of the reasons I gave you roses was that on the whole you had been very kind to me over the prior year, and my wife had not. So I gave you flowers and not her, because I thought you had been nicer to me and were more deserving. I'm sorry they upset you. I had gratitude in my heart towards you, and wanted to express it. I'm sorry I upset you.

Take care.

June 28, 2015: I had a great day exercising. I ramped up the intensity a little bit. I'm nowhere near where I want to be. But I am making good progress.

I was disappointed about my birthday 2 weeks ago. My wife did almost nothing for me. Then her uncle died (we knew this was coming). Now that this is over with, my wife wants to throw me a party. I'm feeling petty. I feel like the moment for my 50th birthday has come and gone. To have a party now seems too late. I suppose if my wife does give me a party I'll wear a smile. But I feel like saying the bus has already left the station. The moment has gone. I know it's petty to feel that way, but I do. I threw her a nice party two months before her birthday, and invited her friends to a nice restaurant as a surprise. I'll also add I had a 500 mile drive to get there too. And then I came down again for the real date of her birthday. I did my best to make my wife feel special. I didn't even get a kiss. :( I guess I really feel let down.

4 months till my first half marathon since getting injured 3 years ago. I hope you can find it in your heart to think something nice about me that day. It really stung when you insulted me about running my first half marathon. I was only trying to use it as a way so that both of us could extricate ourselves from the argument we were having without either one of us losing face. Please think something nice about me the morning of Halloween, and wish me well. It would really mean a lot to me.

I suppose I should go to sleep. I need to wake up in the morning and go to work.

Take care mi amiga querida.

June 27, 2015: I had a good day exercising yesterday. Today I was sore, so I rested. Am looking forward to going home over 4th of July. This being by myself nonsense is for the birds. I rather hate it, but for the time being there isn't much I can do about it. I haven't found what you might say is a good friend at work yet. It makes me really miss the nice conversations we used to have. It's sad to say but sometimes I go weeks without having a meaningful conversation with someone. Sometimes I'll close my eyes and pretend that you and I are having one of the conversations we used to have. It helps me cope. It's kinda sad that I'm using conversations that I had 5 years ago with a girl who has told me to jump in a creek to cope with being lonely. But it's all I have. I hope some day that things will improve for me. I have no real hope at this point though. But at least I'm working, so that is good.

The loneliness that I'm suffering is horrible. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. I hope you never suffer anything like this. I rarely have anyone to share a meal with, or exercise with, or watch tv with, or anything. It is just so horrible. I wouldn't wish this on anybody. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I go out to eat just so that I can be around other people. I go to the restaurant just to have someone smile at me, and maybe if I'm lucky, have a short conversation with someone.

My running seems to be improving. I haven't had any setbacks this year. I occasionally take a day off if I'm sore or really tired. But I haven't had any injuries. Both my speed and endurance seem to be improving.

I suppose some day you will read this. I just wanted to say that I truly wish you the best, that I want you to be able to fulfill all of your dreams and aspirations in life. I want you to be happy, healthy, and prosperous.

June 24, 2015:

Had a good workout yesterday. Not where I want to be, but Inam progressing.

June 21, 2015: I had another good day exercising. I don't have my endurance or speed back, but I am making progress. Nothing really exciting happening for me today. Just exercising and doing a few house chores.

I'm preparing to do a 1/2 marathon on Halloween. I'm not really ready for it, but I am preparing. I am so excited about it. I've been hobbled the past 3 years, and I am FINALLY all healed up. Everything seems to be working. I've been not pushing myself as hard as I might have in the past out of fear of injury. I'm not progressing as fast as I would like to, but progressing I am. The race is in Philadelphia, PA. Here's the link:


June 20, 2015: a relatively uneventful day. I did the treadmill at the YMCA. Lasted for 45 min. I felt ok.

June 17, 2015:

To my dear friend WPR:

I am completely heartbroken at how you responded to my gesture of peace. I truly don't know what to say.

However, 3 times you have said to me you no longer wished to be friends with me. The first time was in the middle of Jan, 2011. The second time was Jan 31, 2011, the day before the blizzard when you said to me, "You're not my friend, you're not my colleague, you're MERELY someone I work with." The third time was in the form letter you sent me a year ago when I asked you for permission to come and apologize to you. I suppose in the last one I should have said that I was moving to NY, and wanted to make peace with you before I left the area.

Anyway, you've made your position plain. You wish to not be friends with me. However, what you and I have today isn't peace. It's more akin to a stalemate from the cold war.

Although as things stand today the probability of the two of us crossing paths is very slim, I don't want things to go on as they are. I don't want you to go on hating me, or however it is that you feel about me. I honestly don't know what it is that you feel. After Nov. 19th, 2010, you haven't conveyed much of anything to me. I'm not a mind reader!!!

If you don't want to be friends, fine. Although saddening, those terms are acceptable. But what else to you want in exchange for being on peaceful terms? I want us to part ways based on mutual respect and mutual understanding. I don't want what we have today. We may not have any open hostility, but this isn't peace. I want peace. Please let me know what you want from me in exchange for peace.

I respectfully await your reply.


June 16, 2015:

To my dear friend WPR:

My heart sank when I saw your response, or I suppose more correctly, your retreat in response to my note from Dec 2014. I feel heartbroken that you didn't get that I was Asking for and offering peace. I need to think of how respond. I feel very sad.

Dec. 9:

A note to my dear friend WPR:

I've done a lot of soul searching. My heart says to do one thing, my head another.

My heart says to keep posting apologies, to be contrite, say, I'm sorry, and so on. My heart says to keep trying harder. My heart wants to go on making a fool of myself to try and convince you that my intentions are pacific, and so on. My heart says that if I work harder, that I can demonstrate my peaceful intentions, that my heart is i the right place, and so on. My heart wants to keep behaving foolishly in the hopes that by continuing to toss my ego aside that it will demonstrate my good intentions. That is what my heart wants to do.

My head says that, to quote Einstein, to do the same thing over and over again and somehow expect different results the next time is the definition of insanity. Moreover, by being so persistent, I get the feeling that even though my intentions are good and my heart is i the right place, that I'm upsetting you. That is absolutely, positively, the last thing in the world that I wish to do.

When we worked together you were always very nice to me. When you asked me to exercise with you, that meant more to me than receiving $1 Million. Time is precious. It really meant a lot to me that you chose to share your time with me. Anyway, I feel that you treated me very kindly.

I've decided to stay off of CS for 6 months, and won't log in again until my birthday in June.

I didn't intend to care about you. It just happened. And now it's an emotion I'm stuck with. I'll stay off till my birthday in June. I don't want to upset you in any way. You were always very good to me. I still don't understand what happened, but that is unimportant now. What is important is that I wish to convey the sincerity of my peaceful intentions. You are very exasperating, but you are worthy of putting up with it. I thought and still think you are a very good, decent, and nice person. You are worth going the extra mile for. I'll stay off till my birthday. Take care Amiga.

Dec 6: am doing some soul searching. My heart has been in the right place. But the results have been a disaster. Will think about this some more.

Nov 23: from the bottom of my heart, I just want to say I am so sorry that I didn't know what to say to you and what to do. I feel like I let down one of the nicest persons who I have ever met. You asked me for help and I didn't know what to say or do, and when I tried to do something, I completely botched things and created the horrible mess that we have today. If ever offered the opportunity to make amends to you I will. I respectfully await your reply.

Nov 22: I am liking my job. Am starting to do more fun things. I had an interesting interaction with someone at work. I met the person I replaced at the job I had in AZ. Strange experience. Nice person though.

I do wish I knew what to say to you to convince you that my sentiments are pacific. It makes me sad that 2 people who at one point I thought were one the way to becoming friends for life at a minimum aren't on speaking terms. My personal sadness in this regard is profound. And how everything just fell apart...I still feel just so sad. I'll do what I know. Be polite. Be contrite. Apologize. Say I'm sorry. Admit the obvious. Ask for forgiveness. Ask what I can do to make amends.

Nov 15: To my dear friend WPR:

It's been 4 years since you asked me to exercise with you. I hope some day you can forgive me for not knowing what to say when you said something bad happened to you, and the days, weeks, months, now years later as well. I hope some day you can forgive me and accept my apology. I feel like I let you down badly. And all the gaffs I had...I hope some day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. An apology is waiting for you any time you are ready to receive it.

Nov 7; Another mistakes de was allowing my anger at you fester after you insulted me the day before the blizzard. I should have told you the next time I saw you that I was upset with you. I shouldn't have held that I'm.

Nov 5: I forgot to add that 2 weeks later when you told me I was being foolish running in the dark my anger evaporated and I forgave you then and there. That's why I got you the tea. If ever and when ever you are ready to accept me apologizing to you, please contact me. I sincerely desire to say to you that I was wrong, I am sorry, and to ask you for your forgiveness.

Nov 3: I had a nice trip to Boston. It was for business. I didn't get to stay as long as I wanted to, but such is life. I hope some day you can forgive me of all my gaffs from 4 years ago. Trying to help you with what you were experiencing was far outside my experiences in life, and it showed. I thought and still think you are a wonderful, remarkable person. How things got the way they are now I will never understand. Over and over I didn't know what to say to you. I hope you can forgive my short coming in that regard, and take into account that I kept trying even though I kept falling in my face and failing miserably, and take into account that my heart was in the right place.

The day before the blizzard. I tried, and my heart was in the right place. But I failed miserably. I still don't know what I did to upset you that day, but I terribly sorry that I upset you and I beg you that if not today than perhaps some day you will forgive me. When you accepted the flash drive that you asked me to get you, wrote me a nice thank you note, which I still have, I thought you had accepted my peace offering in the spirit in which it was offered, and that we could resume being friends again. I was hurt and shocked when you accepted the flash drive, wrote a nice thank you note, and then became worse than before. If you accept the gift you are accepting the proposal of peace and friendship. If not, you are supposed to decline to accept the gift. You are NOT supposed to accept the gift and then refuse to be friendly with the person who gave you a gift. That is VERY dishonest.

However, that got my attention, and I was starting to wonder if something serious was wrong. That's why I asked you to talk with me shortly thereafter. I didn't know what to ask, so I thought I would try to get you to start over again with simple, safe conversations like good morning. I was hoping that I could regain your trust and you would tell me what was wrong. I didn't know what else to do.

As for what transpired the day before the blizzard I am very sorry that I upset you that day. I didn't know what to say, but I w as doing my best to be a good friend to you. I hope that you can some day take into account that my heart was in the right place, and that I was doing all that I knew how to do to help someone who I felt had been very nice to me and who I unexpectedly found I really cared for and thought and still think the world of.

As for the argument that we had that day, I am very sorry for my part in it. When you didn't react how I had anticipated that you would I was shocked and bewildered. It's why I asked why you were ostricizing me. What you said next truly shocked me, and I will never forget it:"You're not my friend, you're not my colleague, you're merely someone I work with." I'm not going to deny how shocked and hurt I was when you said that. While you do have a right to pick Nd choose with whom you associate, I thought then and still feel today that I had done nothing to deserve having that said to me. Even though what you said wounded me badly. I thought that surely you didn't mean it. We had had so many nice conversations in the past. I thought that if I changed the subject to something non-threatening and peaceful that surely you would say something nice to me. That's why I changed the subject to me having run my first half marathon 2 days before. It was a peaceful subject. It was a subject about which we had had many nice conversations. I thought that surely if I made a peaceful gesture that surely you would reciprocate. I was positive of it. When you responded by insulting me I felt about 1 inch tall. I never imagined you would be mean to me over that. I never imagined you would spurn a peace gesture.

When I walked away I felt you had driven a dagger through my heart. I felt so hurt and wounded. You insulted my running and you spurned my peace gesture. About the only worse you could have done was insult my Mom.

Anyway, it stung and still stings that you never came back and apologized to me for insulting me. I was trying to be a caring friend. You treated me like dirt.

Anyway, I felt and still feel you owe me an apology for what you said to me, as I don't think I deserved to be treated that way. I've forgiven you a long time ago, but I still think you owe me an apology for that day.

There's a lot more I suppose that I owe you am apology. I hope that some day you can forgive me often shortcomings regarding this.

I also hope that some day you will let me apologize to you in person. I feel it is very cowardly to give an apology in a letter. I think the right is to face to face apologize.

Oct 22: A message to my dear friend, WPR:

I've done a lot of soul searching concerning what happened between you and me. Specifically, 4 years ago when you asked me to exercise with you, and while we were exercising you said to me that something bad happened to you. First, I believe you completely. I believe that you were, are, and have been very honest with me. I think that you told me the truth. I am very sorry that I didn't know what to say that night, and in the days, weeks, months, and now years thereafter. In spite of my best efforts and my best intentions, I've come to the conclusion that I am the wrong person to help you. It's not that I am unable or unwilling. I feel ill equipped to help you. My results I would give a failing grade, and justly so. My heart has been in the right place. But my results have been a disaster.

However, we have a mutual friend who I believe is much better equipped to help you than I am. He has a sister. He has 2 daughters. I believe that he has experiences in life that I don't have and is much better equipped to assist you concerning the bad thing that happened to you. I promise you that he will believe you and will help you to the best of his ability. I trust him completely and I believe that he is very well equipped to help you where I probably am not. All I really care about is that you get the assistance that you need. Even if I never get to see you again (sob!), I can walk away deeply satisfied if whomever did the bad thing to you has the pleasure of getting to meet up with a prosecutor, judge, and jury, and hopefully receive the just reward he deserves for hurting one of the nicest ladies who I believe I have ever met.

It's been with a very heavy heart that I've swallowed my pride and admitted that I am the wrong person to help you. But once I swallowed my pride, it is very easy for me to suggest that you seek out the help of another. Please go seek out help from someone. I think our mutual friend is an excellent choice. I promise you if you ask him he will help you, and I promise you he will believe you, and I promise you he will be sympathetic to you, and I promise you he will be able to help you where I have failed.

I do hope that some day you can forgive me for my many gaffs in these matters. My heart has been in the right place. My results...I just hope that you can take into account that I've been trying to do the right thing, but just haven't known what to do or what to say.

And I also hope you can forgive my many shortcomings.

Go and seek justice for yourself. There is a statute of limitations for assaults, in contrast to financial crimes, that have no statute of limitations. Perversely I might add. Anyway, go seek justice for yourself. You may not prevail in court. But I promise you that just by standing up for yourself you will do yourself a world of good. And besides. You may get a sympathetic jury who is willing to believe you based on your word alone. Your word alone is good enough for me. I believe you.

Respectfully yours,


Oct 20: Had a blast. I went to the NY Giants vs Dallas
Cowboys game at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, TX. Had fun. Am on my way back to NY. Back to work tomorrow.

Oct 14: I exercised tonight. I struggled. I was very sick last week. I wasn't able to do much. I had to rest in the middle. Being sick really sucked the life out of me. Sigh...

Oct 8.1: Am going home this weekend. It will be good to see my wife. It is so terrible being alone. It makes me sad when I go to sleep at night to not be with my wife. In some ways I'm not functioning very well. Sadness and loneliness are very debilitating. I hope you never suffer such things. Loneliness I think is worse than death. I would wish that on nobody. In some ways I feel like a single man, yet I am not free to pursue a relationship with someone near where I am working. Yet I am married, but am not experiencing the benefits of being married. It is a horrible existence. I would wish it on nobody. I hope you never experience this. I go to the YMCA to exercise, of course, but also to try and meet people. I have yet to meet anyone who is willing to do more than a one or two sentence conversation. Sometimes I pester the people who work there until it becomes obvious I am annoying them. It's kinda sad. I don't remember the last time I had a meaningful conversation with a woman. I don't remember the last time that I have been touched or kissed. I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

Oct 8: Am still struggling with my cold. At least spicy food is keeping the viscosity of the phlegm low. At least I can breathe. I didn't exercise today. I still feel kinda run down. Am letting my body re-charge. Sigh...

Oct. 7: I tried to exercise. Didn't get much done. I felt exhausted after doing almost nothing. I didn't realize how badly the cold I had knocked the starch out of me. Sigh...

Oct 5.1: Found a good cold remedy: Trader Joes Beef Tamales. They did the trick nicely to clear up congestion. I don't feel well, but I do feel better. I was trying to do my Rosetta Stone last night. My congestion was so bad the computer couldn't understand me!!! Oh well.

Oct 5: my ankle is improving! Have a cold now. I swear I can't win. Sigh. Am going home in a week to throw my wife a surprise b-day party. I hope it goes well.

Sept 29: I had been making progress running. I injured my right ankle Thursday. Am limping badly. Very frustrating.

Sept 23: I went to an all day technical seminar. Got a couple of trinkets. No flash drive though. I had a girl seek to contact me on linked in. I accepted. Didn't know what she wanted. At first I thought maybe she wanted a friend, or was looking for a husband, and wanted someone successful. I thought perhaps I could make a friend. Short story, she tried to talk me into buying her an iPhone and a tablet. I felt slimed. At least I didn't get emotionally invested. I wanted to make a friend and have someone to share my thoughts with. It made me miss the nice talks we used to have. I would always be much happier after getting to talk to you. Enjoy your trip. I'll probably be visiting Dallas in the near future. I need to come and. He k on my Mom.

Sept 20: My workouts are progressing. Am sometimes sore and have to take a day off (today as an example). But I seem to be regaining my strength. I do wish I knew what to say to you to put you at ease. I've only had peaceful, honorable intentions towards you, and for whatever reason after Nov. 19th, 2010 you've only viewed what I've said or done in a negative light. It has been very painful to lose a friend who I had only the most honorable intentions towards, and who I feel is a good person to the core. I think both of us only had good intentions towards one another. How the situation that exists today came to being I will never fully understand. I just wish I knew how to put you at ease and make things right. The sadness of this weighs on my heart like a ship anchor.

Sept 15: A beautiful song that I love: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0714IbwC3HA

Sept 10: I heard this on the radio. It made me think of you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buMUMcvYPH4

Sept 9: Did a 5K this past weekend. My time was forgettable, but I had fun anyway. It was a good experience. There were people who I didn't know who knew me calling out my name cheering me on. God that felt so good. It made me feel at home. Today I woke up feeling like I had been run over by a train. I was so sick, but I went into work anyway. It was bizarre. By the end of the day I felt ok. Not at full power, but ok. I have no explanation. I've finally gotten some drudgery work to do at work. Filling out some spreadsheets. Ugh!!! I hate being a spreadsheet engineer. Part of the gig though. Need to get some exercise. Am going to go and walk for a bit. I am wearing a very bright green shirt, and am abiding by the promise that I made to you and our mutual friend to always wear brightly colored clothing when I exercise outside at night.

Sept 5: Am doing a 5k in the morning. I'm not really ready for it, but am taking a blind leap. I wish I could thank you for the experience you've given me. Because of the experiences that I had with you I am taking professional risks that I never would have taken before. I am a much more imaginative and creative engineer than I ever was before. I thinking of crazy things that I never would have thought of before. I'm a much better engineer thanks to you. I am truly sorry that I've upset you so much. I've gone over the reasons before, so won't rehash. I hope that some day I can do something to thank you. I am so grateful for what it has done to me. I very sorry how much it has upset you though. Please some day let me do something to make amends to you. I feel you deserve it, and sincerely desire to atone for upsetting you.

Aug 30: In NJ. Traffic sucks. Am headed south after my pit stop.

Aug 29: Am VERY tired. Got my rental car. Will have a long drive in the morning. At least I'll be able to see my home for a little bit. I do like your profile pic. However, I have a pic that you asked me to take of you. Your smile is just spectacular, and I think it would make a wonderful profile pic. At least in my opinion. I only had a light workout today. My body was very tired. Need some rest. Enjoy your Labor Day weekend.

Aug 27: I wish you could have seen me at work today. I am really in my element again. I'm a much different person than I was when we worked together. I was so depressed because I was doing a job that I was ill suited for that I really didn't enjoy. It felt like a bad imitation of what I had done in the past. Now I am doing what I have experience in and what I have been trained to do. I am having so much fun. What is really fun is getting to help the young engineers. One is a really sweet girl. She is obviously being groomed for the future. But she was talking in such a quiet voice. I couldn't take it anymore. So I took her aside and told her politely that she needs to speak louder. She has listened to me and is speaking louder. And as I told her, she will seem so much more effective, but all she will be doing is speaking louder. She really seemed to appreciate the feedback. She is a very sweet girl. And I'll be honest, very pretty. And smart too. No jumping to conclusions though like you did in the past!!! Grrrrr!!! She is pretty how I like it though. She's an Indian girl. Dark hair, dark eyes, dark complexion. My idea of pretty! Much like someone else I know who once I got to know her I thought and still think she is very beautiful. I wish you were here. Today I needed someone to remind me to be more humble and not to be arrogant. I was having a lively technical discussion with an equipment vendor. I'm positive I am correct, but I was kinda rude to the guy. I'll write him an apology tomorrow, as I wish to stay on good relations with him. Anyway, I definitely needed a friend to remind me to not be rude to people, even though I'm positive that technically I'm right. Anyway, I wish you could see me. I'm doing so much better than I did when we were working together. I had a nice hard workout at the Y tonight. My body feels dead. But that's ok. I had fun.

Aug. 26: I had my best workout in a long time. At my best "run". it was more walking than running, but it was a big accomplishment after all the injuries I've had over the past 2 years. My only real regret is that I had nobody with whom to share the experience. That's kinda depressing. But at least I had a nice workout. And the sunset was pretty. I hope someday I can find someone to exercise with again. I do it because I enjoy it, and I do it because it is good for my health. It would be even better if there were someone there to share the experience. :(

Aug. 25: Am tired. My workout yesterday really sapped me for today. Sigh. Oh well. Since you seem interested in my whereabouts, here's my itinerary for the next week. I will be working in Albany through Friday. Friday evening I am getting a rental car, and then Saturday morning I am driving my rental car from Albany to Richmond, VA. I'll stay there over the weekend, and then come back to Albany on Labor Day.

Aug 24: I did 13 min. on the stair stepper, 13 min. on the elliptical, 18 minutes on the exercise bike, and then I walked/ran 5 miles. Then I did some light weight lifting afterwards. Am doing a 5K in less than 2 weeks. Am NOT ready!!! It was so nice to be able to give a nice lady a small compliment and have it accepted in the spirit in which it was offered. It was intended to evoke a brief moment of happiness over receiving a compliment. The smile on her face was priceless. It felt good to give that lady a brief moment of happiness. I just wish everyone were able to accept a compliment in the spirit in which it was offered.

Aug 23: I went to a 1 year birthday party. That was fun. It was thrown by a co-worker for her baby. He was very well behaved. I went to go and exercise at dusk. Got hit by a swarm of insects. Yuck!!! I then went and had dinner. I really sweet girl served me. I gave her a nice tip and on the bill complimented her on her smile. She was so giddy that she got a compliment. It made my day to see her smile and be happy. I plan on going back and see if I can get her again as my waitress. She was really sweet, and is drop dead gorgeous. I'm not sure that she knows that though. Being very pretty and very nice is so cool. Sigh...

Aug 21: Had a very easy workout today. I didn't feel well. I then went and had some pho to try and feel better. I can't find any menudo here. I'll be talking to a friend on the phone shortly about a problem she is having. She has said the kindest things about me. It feels good. It also still pains me that one person has the worst opinion of me and has spread her opinion as if it were Gospel. I did something stupid after being insulted. But I also wanted the friendship back that I had with my dear friend. I thought she was one of the most wonderful persons I had ever met. I am as prepared as I have always been to apologize, say I'm sorry, that I was wrong, and to ask how I can ask how I can make amends. There is a huge difference between someone who wanted an apology after having his ego unjustifiably bruised, and what I was accused of. Perhaps now I should let this go. I don't know. I still miss the friendship that I thought was developing between me and my dear friend. The thing that triggered her to end our friendship still puzzles me. Tossing me overboard because I was trying to say thank you for being nice to me with a cup of tea after you asked me to exercise with you. I still don't get that...The whole situation has left a permanent sad anchor in my heart. I wish I knew how to make it go away...

Aug 19: Had an easy workout. Got delayed at work. It cut into my exercise time. Sigh. At least I'm working. That's good.

Aug 18: Eyes rolling. I moved to NY and signed a two year agreement. Am shaking my head. You are very exasperating. Only if I have your permission would I seek to see you. I accidentally encountered you in May. I minded my own business and kept moving. I have no desire to upset you. In spite of a couple exceptions, when it comes down to it, you were very nice to me always. I did get upset with you when you insulted me the day before the blizzard. But I got over it. I forgave you. It was kind of hard as what you said was kinda cruel, especially as what I said right before that I was trying to make it possible for the both of us to walk away peacefully and not hate each other. Perhaps after you said that I wasn't your friend I should have said I'm sorry you feel that way and walked away. I guess perhaps I was hoping that you didn't really feel that way, and wanted to offer you an opportunity to back away from what you had said. Or at least to be polite. A short coming of mine. I'm an eternal optimist. I may sometimes see some doom and gloom, but I try and find a way to mitigate the doom and gloom and make for a happy ending. I hope you don't feel that is wrong. I wanted to offer you a face saving way out. I thought talking about my first 1/2 marathon would be a peaceful, non-controversial subject. I never imagined you would react the way that you did. Please use this in peace. If you want to know where I am just look. Or you can send me a note. I'll answer honestly. The last thing I want to do is upset you. And the first thing that I want to do is to say I'm sorry, I was wrong, and ask you how I can make amends.

Aug 17; Very nice workout. I went 4 miles. Mostly walking, but I jogged I suppose the last 1/4 to 1/3 mile. I felt ok. Am kinda slow, but that is to be expected. I do seem to be improving. Knock on wood!!!

Aug 16: Am about to go and exercise. I feel recharged after a couple of light days. I need to push myself harder with the 1/2 marathon looming. I so much want to do well with that. May fortune favor the foolish!!!

0Aug 15. Another light workout today. Lots of stretching. Definitely needed it. Tomorrow I will try and do more.

Aug 14: Well, I felt pretty spent from exercising the past few days. I still went to the Y. But I had a very light workout. My body was letting me know that it was in need of recharging. There is an issue at work that interestingly the equipment vendor has thrown in the towel and claimed that they can't do any more for. I tend to disagree. Perhaps it's arrogance on my part. But giving up isn't in my nature. I may be overstepping my bounds, but what the hell. It's an opportunity to play and have fun. And hopefully get noticed in a positive manner. :)

Aug 13: Worked out at the Y again. Damn I hurt, but damn it feels good. I've found myself watching the girls for good ideas for exercising. Most of the guys are just there to grunt. The girls do things that can be easily adapted to improve my running. I still have some pain in my foot, but it is considerably less than it was. Work seems to be going fine, although I do wish I had more explicitly to do. Right now I am begging for work so that I can make myself useful.

Aug 12: Had an easy day exercising yesterday. Body was tired and needed a rest. I should be able to push harder today. I've been scouting out places to do my hill work. One is near Saratoga lake. The other is near the Hudson River. The drop off is kinda steep. I think it must have been dug by glaciers during the last ice age. The topography is definitely different than in the plains. Out there the land is flat and the river having a relatively broad plain. Not so here.

Aug 10: My foot still feels good. I'm being crazy and signed up for a 1/2 marathon in Richmond in November. I'm no where near ready for it. I MAY be ready by then. Not sure. Am just focusing on doing point A to point B. the HR lady at the place I used to work at in Richmond clued me in. I hope to see some old friends. It kills me when I don't get to see people I care about. Anyway, I plan to be ready come hell or high water.

Aug 9: My foot feels a lot better. I will resist the temptation to run for a bit and heed the advice of my orthopedic surgeon. I don't want any more injuries. My job seems to be doing ok, but we are in a period of extreme flux. Makes me very anxious. But I am participating and I am contributing.

Aug 8: Day 1 after the cortisone shot. I feel so much better. There is still a little pain, but I am walking normally. I didn't run, but I had a nice workout tonight. I feel more hopeful than I've felt in a long time. Am hopeful I will be running races soon.

Aug 7: I caved in and had a cortisone shot in the right foot. It's still kinda sore but it does feel better. I was told no intense exercising for a while. Sigh...hopefully this will put me on the road to recovery. Upstate NY reminds me a lot of OR. That is good and bad. It is very pretty here. But it also means I probably can't stay here forever. Not enough sunshine. I can tell it isn't as light here as compared to OK or TX. But it is where I am for the moment.

Aug. 6: Went to the ER to see if they could give me a cortisone shot for me foot. It seems I need to go and see an orthopedic surgeon. Sigh. Hopefully there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Need to get my foot healed.

Aug 5: Today was a most interesting day. I was hired by the R&D group, but our space was consumed by manufacturing. So my boss sent me to manufacturing and told me to be useful. Now the manager in manufacturing is trying to keep me. This is just so bizarre for almost a decade I couldn't catch a break. Now I have two guys fighting over me. And I'm not doing anything special. I'm just being me. My body is really hurting a lot. I think I probably have to at the least get a cortisone shot. This is the pits.

Aug 3: My right foot is killing me. I wish it would get better. At least I exercised today. I used some machines at the local Y, including a treadmill. I guess I gotta exercise no matter how much it hurts. Need prayers badly Amiga. I should be going to Dresden, Germany soon. That should be fun!

Aug 2: I've had a very busy week. I can't say that it was boring. I felt good to be back in an environment in which I can succeed. I am very capable of doing it elsewhere, but was never really given a chance. But here I have been made to feel very welcome. I feel at home. Once I receive my new passport I'll be going to Germany for a while. I plan on site seeing as much as I can. One never knows when one will be able to go back. I am going to be travelling and taking pictures like there is no tomorrow. I do wish I could share this experience with someone. But I guess I'll enjoy it by myself and make the most of it. I need to figure out how long it takes to travel from point A to point B on a Eurorail pass, and plan my trips accordingly. I hope I can make it to Rome, Athens, Istanbul, Paris, Spain, etc. I do have to work, but I want to have as much fun as I can as well. I'll have to brush up on german. I haven't had it since high school, and I have never had the need to use it since. If I get close to Spain I'll get to find out how bad my really bad Spanish is. I've had no body with whom to practice, and no native speakers to fix my mistakes. My Mom was able to fix one mistake. I said, "Hago dinero." She pointed out that while that makes sense in English, in Spanish that makes me a person who counterfits money. The correct phrase is Gano dinero. One of the guys I interviewed this last week who we didn't hire afterwards I felt probably didn't speak English as his first language, or at least it wasn't his first language as a child. He had a very Anglo-Saxon sounding name. When I asked him about same behaving in a safe manner at work he did an excellent job. When I asked him technical things he couldn't describe them. Afterwards I thought about it. If I were in a Spanish speaking country I could say quiero un sandwich de jamon and would probably get a ham sandwich. I could say quiero vino por favor, I would probably get some wine. If I had to describe the technical things at work that I do in Spanish I don't have a clue as to how to describe it. I think the guy I interviewed probably understands everything that he does, but doesn't know how to articulate it. I feel bad as I feel the guy is probably very smart. He just wasn't able to articulate what he knows in English. {( It's funny. This for me has been the year without temp extremes. I spent the winter in AZ, and now I am in NY for the summer. Probably the mildest year I have ever had in my life. Oh well. Travel some more. I know you love to do so. Do so in peace. I did something stupid because my ego was bruised by someone I really like. I was wrong to try to get an apology the way I did. It was wrong to do so from a time and geographic perspective so far removed from the insult that upset me. I felt and still feel that the insult you hurled at me was unjustified, and I felt and still feel that I had and still have a right to ask for an apology. But it was wrong to do it the way that I did it. I think if the insult had come from someone I didn't care for I would have ignored it. But when it came from someone who I had learned to expect extreme politeness, and from someone who I genuinely cared for, the shock was extreme and the wound deep. I had a right to ask for an apology, as the insult was unprovoked and unjustified. But the way I went about it was wrong. And I very much when you are ready wish to apologize for waiting 6 weeks and traveling to CA to ask you to apologize me for insulting me the day before the blizzard. I was wrong to do that.

July 31.1: Am very pleased you were so close by. I am VERY happy you are using this again. I know it makes you very happy to do so. I wish I could hug you and say thank you for believing me. It really means a lot to me that you ventured so close. Please continue to do so. I only wish you happiness. You were truly only very sweet to me. I only wish the best to you in return. I will confess that I wish I could do more. I only wish you the best. By being kind to me you made me feel like a rich man. I do hope that some day I can return to you the kindness that you gave to me. I feel very much in your debt. That's one of the reasons I've been so persistent. In my opinion you are a very good woman. I've been of that opinion for four years. I have a picture of you that you asked me to take four years ago. I think it shows off your smile fantastically. I think it would make an excellent profile pic for you. I hope some day I. An give it to you.

July 31: I had a most bizarre week. My boss sent me to the manufacturing group to try and find some work. The next thing I knew I was interviewing candidates. I've been there two weeks. Love it! My passport should be back some time next week. Should be able to go to Germany shortly thereafter.

July 28: Am working. Am discovering that If I want training I'll have to create my own opportunities. Am almost settled in at my new place. Need to find a place to start running again.

July 24: work is starting to keep me busy. Am having my passport renewed so I can travel to Getmany for a while. That will be nice. I may end up moving to Utica. My group is R&D. Manufacturing took over our space. Sigh. Oh well. Never a dull moment!

July 19: Am absolutely ecstatic. I am glad you are doing what you love again. It was so painful to me when you stopped. I know I did a very poor job communicating with you what I was trying to get at. I am so very sorry that I failed to communicate with you clearly, and that by communicating poorly, scared you. It is kind of painful that we are no longer being friends, but seeing you do what you love is half a loaf as far as I'm concerned, and I'll take that half a loaf. And lest I use a metaphor without explaining it, seeing you do what you love isn't all that I want, but it is acceptable. While perhaps I haven't been completely successful in communicating with you, at least I've been partially successful. Seeing you do what you love brings me great satisfaction. Truly, knowing that you are again doing what you love makes me very happy.

On a different note, I need prayers. My right foot. Am in almost constant pain. Very frustrating. At least I can walk. Still, very, very frustrating. I may have to break down and have a cortisone shot. I hate being in pain.

July 17: The first week of work is almost over with. HR sorta stuff. Sigh. At least I'm back to work, and a damn good job at that. It feels so good to be back to doing what I am good at. Am very pleased that you've had some good fortune. Do your best at it. It may not be your dream job. But it's for a good institution. That by itself will be a good stepping stone, either internally or externally for sooner or later getting the sort of job that you want. You've got a crack in the door. Charge though that crack. I have faith in you. I believe in you. I think that given the opportunity to do so you will shine. When I was your age I started off at a humble job. It wasn't much. It didn't pay well at all. But it gave me opportunities down the road. Go and give it your all every day. You are very nice. You are very smart. And you are, at least in my opinion, very pretty. That's a good combination to have. Go and do your best. Keep your eyes open, both online and in print. Opportunities will present themselves.

A football coach said that being lucky was the intersection of preparation and opportunity. Prepare yourself. When opportunity presents itself, you will be very fortunate. I believe in you completely. Go and make your good fortune.

July 16: My Mom is improving. That is good. My job is proceeding as well. Still boring HR stuff.

July 14.1: 2 friends visited my Mom. Apparently she got anti-biotics in time. Apparently she was being difficult and had to be restrained because she wanted to take the breathing tube out. I got through the entire day with a happy face. A lady I say next to in orientation know a lot of people in common, so we had a lot to talk about. When I got to my car and started driving down the road I started crying. I know she is in good hands. My wife is going to see my Mom this weekend. Still, I feel like I should be there with her. Am feeling very guilty. I feel like I abandoned her. :(

July 14: Need prayers bad Amiga. My Mom is in ICU with sepsis and pneumonia. I feel like I abandoned her.

July 13.1: I need prayers Amiga. Once I got on the ground in NY I got a phone call from her nursing home saying my Mom had been sent to the hospital. The symptoms were incoherence. The reason is unknown. :(. I left TX with my Mom's encouragement and blessing, but I feel horrible for having left. Must figure out how to wear a happy face for my first day at work tomorrow. :(. No me siento bien.

July 13: Am at DFW. On my way to NY!!

On a sad note, I'm leaving my Mom behind. She insists that I go though. Doesn't make it any easier for me. I stopped by the chapel and left a prayer for a dear friend. I worry about her often. :(

July 11.1: The limo to take me to the airport comes at 3:30 am!!! Argh!!! Am not ready!!! Oh well. I spent the day with an old friend I've known for 35 years. It was a good day. It went by far too quickly. :(

July 11: Am doing frantic last second preparation to leave. God this date came up fast. Oh well. I hope my Mom is in good hands. The best CNA at her nursing home is quitting due to being treated disrespectfully by the management. Kills me. She's a wonderful girl. Works hard, and genuinely cares about the people she is working with. Sigh. Need to do some last second prep to my Mom's house. The cat will be watching the house. I guess he'll do a good job. I'm going to miss that damn ball of fir. I don't know exactly what the future holds, but I don't think it will be in NY long term. Too much of a blue state. I prefer Red states. Sigh...

July 10.1: I see you posted. Thank you. Even though you don't wish to associate with me, at least thank you for believing my peaceful intentions. I think I've explained my intentions, so I won't repeat myself. But all the same, thank you, thank you, thank you. :)

July 10: Found something I forgot to put into my shipping container (opps). I'll put it into my car. My Mom is improving, thank God! Need to figure out what to do with her when I'm sure I'm at my forever job. I stopped at the chapel at DFW. I left a prayer specifically for you, and named you. I prayed for your well being. I also prayed for wisdom as to how I could make amends to you, and named you as well. And I prayed for a safe journey for me on Sunday as I complete my move to NY. I'll probably end up coming here and retrieving things that I forgot, as plenty of my Mom's things are still in her house. I am getting excited about my new job. I'm having restored to me what was so rudely taken from me almost 9 years ago. It's too painful to add up how bad of a hit it has been to me financially. I'll just say it's huge and leave it at that. Professionally I basically had a wasted decade. I'm less upset about the cash, and am more upset that I had no outlet for my talents. My creativity went completely wasted for 9 years. I can never get that back. I'll have to apply the concepts I learned in finance, not worry about the past, and just do forward looking things. It's also kind of painful in that what happened 9 years ago probably forces me to work more years than I otherwise would have wanted to. At least moving forward I should be able to make progress.

I do hope you are doing well. From what I've learned you probably aren't doing the job that you really want to do. But do the best at what you are doing. It may not happen today, but just keep doing your best and sooner or later the opportunity that you want will present itself. When I was your age things were kinda bad as well. Not quite this bad, but bad enough. I ended up having to accept a job that had very little to do with my education, and paid only peanuts. But the experience opened up opportunities that allowed me to get better jobs and make more money, and ultimately has led to the job I am about to accept.

I know you probably have excellent references, but I would gladly give you a shining recommendation if ever given the opportunity. Although you weren't my direct report, you were my subordinate, and with one minor exception (your punctuality), I was very pleased with your work. It's a way I am positive I could at least in a small way make amends to you. I will gladly, if offered the opportunity, give you an unqualified recommendation, although privately I will admonish you that you must be on time.

I hope all is well with you. I hope that time will heal all wounds. I have promised before, but I will promise again. The offer to apologize is indefinite. As long as I am alive I wish to apologize to you, say I am sorry, admit my mistakes, ask for forgiveness, and seek ways to make amends. You were always very sweet, nice, and kind to me. A lot of what happened between us I don't think I will ever understand. Just because I don't understand all that happens doesn't mean that I don't wish to make amends. As I have learned, no matter how someone treats you, one must come back with a smile on one's face and continue to try and make things right. I did fail to do that when you lashed out at me the day before the blizzard. I should have ignored the insults you hurled at me. I suppose that when you said I wasn't your friend, I wasn't your colleague, that I was merely someone you worked with, I suppose what I should have said was that I was sorry that you felt that way, and walked away. I have learned from that experience and told someone that I was sorry that they felt that way about me. I did have the best of intentions when I changed the subject to me running my first half marathon 2 days earlier. I thought it was a peaceful subject that couldn't be misconstrued. I had no idea you would react the way you did and lash out at me. I am very sorry that I said something that you would react negatively to. I didn't think it was anything that would upset you, but it obviously did.

As for asking you to talk to me, I don't have any regrets doing that. I did do a poor job of communicating, and for that I am very sorry. But all I was trying to do was to find out what was wrong. I didn't do a good job of communicating, but my heart was in the right place.

July 9: am back from NY. Back to TX, ship my car, then off to NY to start work next week. Am excited. Looks like an excellent opportunity. Need to figure out how to get the entire family together. Sigh...

July4.1: watched a nice fireworks display. Never have I made a crude advance to a woman. Ever.

July 4: spending Independence Day with relatives in DE. It still galls me that at just about every turn you interpreted anything I did as a crude advance. I've never in my life made a crude suggesting to any woman. I'm not like that. I buy flowers in the hope that the girl will smile and be happy that someone took the time to express through a gift that the girl is a wonderful person. Sometimes seeing the recipient of a gift smile is the only reward that is sought. Surely that is benign.

July 2: Need to get a couple of hours of sleep. Will be flying outta Dodge soon. The 5K in Nov.: That still puzzles me. We had agreed to do it together as friends. I was so excited to be able to share an experience with friends I really liked. Nobody explained to me that the rules of the game had changed. I was completely clueless. I was expecting the sweet bubbly friend who I had had long conversations with. I was expecting to be able to share an experience with someone who I had really grown to like. I was hoping to just have a nice experience with a very nice person. I was hoping to spend some time with a nice person who up to that point in time I had always had nice experiences with. I was and still am absolutely shocked at the galling description of your version of events, especially as 6 days prior when there was nobody else around I had been a complete gentleman to you. At least to me, your written account of the events of that day border on a fabrication, especially when one juxtaposes the day of the 5k when we were surrounded by hundreds, if not thousands of people, including law enforcement, and put that next to the night we exercised together 6 nights prior. The juxtaposition of the two, at least to me, makes your description sound like a complete fabrication. Considering that I was a gentleman to you when there was nobody there to watch me, why on God's Green Earth would I be a jerk with so many people around? I would love to hear the answer to that question. Truly, I feel I have nothing to apologize for concerning the day of the 5k. Nevertheless, for whatever reason, that day seemed to upset you. Just for the reason that I believe in maintaining good relations, I am sorry that I upset you the day of the 5k. I don't know what, if anything I could do to make amends, but am willing to do what is necessary to make amends for the goings on of that day.

July 1.2: Looks like I get to go home in time to encounter a hurricane! Lovely!!!

July1.1: Am almost done loading the moving cubes. Am sadly going to NY. Wish I could have found a job in TX. Am going with my Mom's blessings. I am going with a heavy heart. At least she is slowly regaining some movement in her leg. That is a HUGE blessing.

Next apology: The FB notes I sent 3 weeks after you quit talking to me. I was feeling so frustrated. I had apologized to you a number of times and you had refused my apologies. I was and still am positive I had done nothing wrong. I was feeling very exasperated with you. Since you wouldn't communicate with me, I decided to communicate with you. I got the feeling those 2 notes upset you. If they did, I am truly sorry. I just didn't know what was wrong. I couldn't get you to talk to me to tell me what was wrong. For right or wrong, good, bad, or ugly, my friends are very dear to me. When one goes away as you did, I behave like a shepherd trying to find a lost sheep. It's the way I am, and I don't think I have anything to apologize for being that way. However, by me being myself I do think I upset you. I am very sorry I upset you with those two letters. I was trying to find out what was wrong. And I will admit it was a bit of a blow to the ego when you stopped talking to me. I had thought we had worked up a nice rapport and were on our way to being lifelong friends. Anyway, I am very sorry I upset you. I am asking that you please forgive me for upsetting you.

July 1: The year is half over with. Need to finish packing NOW!!! Have been dragging my butt too long.

Earlier I made a promise that as long as I'm alive my promise of an apology would hold. That promise is still good. All I've ever wanted to do is to say that I am very sorry that I upset you. Excepting the thing in CA, to be honest, generally speaking, I have no clue what I did that upset you. I will gladly and cheerfully apologize. I do need to know what I'm apologizing for. The most prominent example is the day you got upset with me for making you a cup of tea. I was only trying to say thank you for you being so kind and asking me to exercise with you. I know it may have seemed like nothing to you. But there were and still are times I end up going weeks or months without having a meaningful conversation with anyone, or sharing time with someone, or having a meal with someone. Someone who does these things with me, at least to me, has given me a fortune in gold. All I wanted to do was to reciprocate the kindness of you asking me to exercise with you. I don't know why my efforts to say thank you upset you so much. But what ever it was, please forgive me. I am terribly sorry that I upset you. I thought that saying thank you to someone who had done something nice for me was the correct thing to do. I still believe that it is. Nevertheless, I am very sorry that I upset you and am asking you for your forgiveness. More apologies will be coming in the days ahead.

June 30: The packing is proceeding. I've had to take a deep pause. Take a deep breath. Ask myself what are my values. In spite of the rather rude treatment I received from someone, and the natural urge to reciprocate, after taking some time to ponder the issue, being petty isn't a part of my value system. Here is something that typifies what I believe in:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

After the rude treatment that I received it is very hard to live up to this. I was willing to admit my mistakes and failings, and offer an apology, ask for forgiveness, and see what I could do to make amends. I was seeking nothing in return. I am sad. I am angry. But I will live up to my ideals. No matter how painful it is.

June 28: I had lunch with an old friend I've known for 35 years. He volunteered to help me get ready to move. It was so refreshing after a very rude treatment that I received a week ago. Even though I didn't have to, I offered an apology, and a polite, contrite, and sincere apology at that. The apology was unacknowledged and the hand of friendship was slapped away. I'm starting to suspect this person enjoys rejecting men. All I can say is that after what I suspect is this person's blatant dishonesty with regard to some documents she filled out...Am shaking my head...

Am very thankful I have old friends to revive my spirits after what has been for me a very sad, heartbreaking experience.

June 26: Am still feeling sad and depressed over the note I received from a dear friend several days ago. I thought I had been polite and sincere. Am feeling profound sadness. I wasn't asking for anything. Never before have I encountered someone who from day one refused to accept offers of apologies, Day 1 was over a cup of tea. This bizarre journey seems to be a lot about me wishing to apologize and another person refusing to accept apologies. The worst part, at least initially, is that I'm positive I had nothing to apologize for. I was apologizing because I believed that maintaining good relations with someone is important, and if apologizing over an imagined slight is what it takes to maintain good relations with someone I am more than willing to do it. The refusal to accept my apologies was and still is very disconcerting. It was as if the willingness to apologize as a matter of course to maintain good relations was interpreted with hostility. I don't understand that.

No entiendo las mujeres.


Henry V:

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead!
In peace, there ’s nothing so becomes a man,
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood

The Merchant of Venice:

I’ll use it for fish bait. You can’t eat human flesh, but if it feeds nothing else, it’ll feed my revenge. He’s insulted me and cost me half a million ducats. He’s laughed at my losses, made fun of my earnings, humiliated my race, thwarted my deals, turned my friends against me, riled up my enemies—and why? Because I’m a Jew. Doesn’t a Jew have eyes? Doesn’t a Jew have hands, bodily organs, a human shape, five senses, feelings, and passions? Doesn’t a Jew eat the same food, get hurt with the same weapons, get sick with the same diseases, get healed by the same medicine, and warm up in summer and cool off in winter just like a Christian? If you prick us with a pin, don’t we bleed? If you tickle us, don’t we laugh? If you poison us, don’t we die? And if you treat us badly, won’t we try to get revenge? If we’re like you in everything else, we’ll resemble you in that respect. If a Jew offends a Christian, what’s the Christian’s kind and gentle reaction? Revenge. If a Christian offends a Jew, what punishment will he come up with if he follows the Christian example? Of course, the same thing—revenge! I’ll treat you as badly as you Christians taught me to—and you’ll be lucky if I don’t outdo my teachers.


Henry V:

The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!'


The Tempest:

Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on, and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.


Julius Caesar:

Marcus Antonius:
And Caesar's spirit, raging for revenge,
With Ate by his side come hot from hell,
Shall in these confines with a monarch's voice
Cry "Havoc!" and let slip the dogs of war,
That this foul deed shall smell above the earth
With carrion men, groaning for burial.


Julius Caesar:

"I am constant as the northern star,
Of whose true-fix'd and resting quality
There is no fellow in the firmament."



To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.


Fairly straightforward. What you see is what you get.
If you wish to be loved, love.


"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Plato..

"Creativity is more than just being different. Anybody can plan weird; that's easy. What's hard is to be as simple as Bach. Making the simple awesomely simple, that's creativity." - Charles Mingus

I wish that life should not be cheap, but sacred. I wish the days be as centuries, loaded, fragrant. Emerson

‎"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life - that word is love.” ~Sophocles

Loving like I've never been hurt because every sixty seconds I spend upset is a minute of happiness I'll never get back.

Knowldege speaks but wisdom listens..

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
~Mother Teresa

Friendship is not necessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value rather it is one of those things that give value to survival

The friends we have, who we meet and keep, are treasures worth more than gold. UnknownExcellence can be achieved if you risk more than others think is safe, love more than others think is wise, dream more than others think is practical, and hope for more than others think is possible....Having open eyes, heart, and mind .....contributing to this beautiful world Everyone is a universe.The more adept we become at cultivating an altruistic attitude, the happier we will feel and the more comfortable will be the atmosphere around us. But if our emotions fluctuate wildly and we easily give in to hatred and jealousy, even our friends will avoid us. So even for people with no spiritual beliefs, it is important to have a peaceful mind...Dalai LamaWill you stay with me? Will you be my love? Among the fields of barley!!! StingAlways remember to be happy, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile! "Behold I do not give lectures or a little charity, When I give I give myself." - Walt WhitmanLove, compassion and concern for others are real sources of happiness. If you have these in abundance, you will not be disturbed even by the most uncomfortable circumstances. If you nurse hatred, however, you will not be happy even in the lap of luxury. Thus, if we really want happiness, we must widen the sphere of love. This is both religious thinking and basic common sense.Dalia LamaFriendship is based on forgiveness.Today if your friend has done something wrong,you have to forgive her immediately by thinking that you could have made the same mistake.If she has been nasty to you today, you have to forgive her immediately.Tomorrow you may be in the same position - you could be nasty to her.So if you forgive her when she is nasty, then if a day comes when you are equally nasty, she will forgive you.Good qualities eventually come for ward. Good qualities will not remain dormant forever and forever.Sri Chinmoy“To Love is to risk not being Loved in Return.To hope is to risk Pain.To try is to risk Failure,But risk must be taken becauseThe Greatest Hazard in life is to Risk Nothing.”There comes a point in your life when you realize:Who matters, Who never did, Who won't anymore...And who always will. So, don't worry about people from your past,there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.Friends come in many guises. Some are temporal. Some are like a mirage. Some are fair weather. Some are iron pyrite. But some friends are solid and true. They withstand the buffeting of travails, and stand fast with the tempests. These are your friends, true blue.Author:UnknownTo the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world. It must always sustain us because the greatness comes not when things go always good for you, but the greatness comes when you are really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes, because only if you have been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be at the highest mountain.R.M.N.Love is friendship set on fire!!!Oh, what joy and peace we forfeit,When forgiveness we withhold;Fellowship with GOD is broken,And the heart grows hard and cold. - D. De HaanGo confidentaly in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. ~Henry David Thoreau Laugh when you can..✿. Apologize when you should..✿. And let go of what you can't change... Love deeply and forgive quickly... Take chances and give your everything..✿. Life is too short to be anything but happy...✿ You have to take the good with the bad...✿ Love what you have... Always remember what you had... Forgive and forget.✿..and always remember.. that life goes on..✿. Post if you agree✿true friendship is a community of souls. And a gathering of collective energy. Good energys. Most people never get that. Some never knew they needed it.

It’s better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride.

Why I'm on Couchsurfing


I've been to a few meetings. One in MN, one in CA, one in OK, and a couple in TX.


I've been to a few meetings.



Music, Movies & Books

I have a book fetish!!! The more the better. Am currently working on some classic philosophers (Seneca, as an example). Like him. Here's a quote:"What is my object in making a friend? To have someone to be able to die for, someone I may follow into exile, someone for whose life I may put myself up as security and pay the price as well. ... There can be no doubt that the desires lovers have for each other is not so different from friendship-you might say friendship gone mad. ......Actual love in itself, heedless of all other considerations, inflames people's hearts with a passion for the beautiful object, not without hope, too, that the affection will be mutual." SenecaUnbreak my Heart, by Toni Braxton. A powerful, sad song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Rch6WvPJE&ob=av3eThe summer of 42. Kind of sad... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYu6HtUxRJsYou are so Beautiful, by Joe Cocker. Just love that song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spsVigJCvNUA Hard Habit to Break, by Chicago. ¡Mui Bien! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6btckmnndY&feature=relatedWalks Like a Lady, by Journey. Way cool. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9LOfSA5EQwHelter Skelter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWuXmfgXVxY&feature=player_embeddedLara's Theme, from Dr. Zhivago. So beautiful. I love it!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYDSi3YHcOA&feature=relatedWendy, by the Beach Boys. Seems to go well with a recent experience. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCEUOfiZsnAWhen a Man Loves a Woman, by Percy Sledge. It most certainly is the truth. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8raabzZNqwhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgPwCN0NAAE&feature=related Can't get any better than John Lennon.Ricky Martin. Living La Vida Loca. Applies to a recent experience that I've had. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p47fEXGabaYhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3bowe-W7ZM This song by Queen is cool.Let it be, by the Beatles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHgZCrAoqKkYesterday, by The Beatles. I'm sure just about everyone has had an experience like that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGQgd2PT4mw&feature=relatedA good one from the Eagles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d8hZtvRPnoBlack Magic Woman, by Carlos Santana http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaKnRUfh_5ITrisha Yearwood. Gotta love her. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jckKmsCsmioPhil Collins. Against all odds. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuvtoyVi7vY&feature=fvwrelPhil Collins. Easy lover. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mu8m8_-tRoThis is Eva Cassidy's rendition of Fields of Gold. I think she blew away Sting's rendition. Enjoy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BtJbOPjPfQ&feature=fvstA sad song by Richard Marx. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0SUG6Fv15Y&feature=relatedEva Cassidy. She died far too young. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Zsq42yKuHA&feature=relatedEva Cassidy doing Time after Time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMznNlfLXP4&feature=relatedMartha Reeves and the Vandellas. Nowhere to run. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQRIOKvR2WMGotta love Ray Charles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_rzE8tJQHgThe Police, "Every Breath you Take". Gotta love Sting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMOGaugKpzsMarty Robbins: "El Paso" Kinda cool. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgI5DMVegIkBob Seger. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk-W_i7Z59IGot this from a friend of mine. I wish I understood the words, but the pictures seem to do a good job of conveying the meaning. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZDJCexCSws&feature=sharehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsYT8YHL-R0 A great line from The Wrath of KhanGotta love the Borg: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsUHVuCNmXY

The end of Star Trek TNG: Q, as always. Gotta love what he says to Picard. The trial never ends!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6kpC_FwcR4

Darth Vader vs. Obi Won. The destruction of a friendship. Sad. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSwy412nttI

Gold dust woman by Fleetwood Mac.

Silver Springs, by Fleetwood Mac. Kind of cool to see the tension between Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud2XKt2N8fs

The Road Warrior Trailer. Loved that movie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gdv5EtZQ6jg

The Borg. Resistance is Futile!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyenRCJ_4Ww

More Borg. Resistance is Futile!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSCe40HMv1c

And more Borg. Resistance is Futile!!! Gotta love the Borg!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsUHVuCNmXY

Journey: Escape: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUzH-ZKXmxo

The Enemy Below: WW2 sub chase movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOGu9EP7ZUI

The Wizard of OZ. I swear the Wicked Witch of the West is EVIL!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Leb83bRkXDg

From the Wrath of Khan. Kirk to Spock: "I have been, and always shall be, your friend." Love that movie!!!

Bleed to love her, by Fleetwood Mac. A beautiful song! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5BZzkWXcwc&feature=bf_next&list=PL927103DDE8C8BE04

This is the theme song to Vikings. I love the main character, Ragnar Lothbrook. He's an absolute scoundral, but damn if he isn't lovable and charming. Good show on The History Channel.

Capt. Kirk shouting, "KHANNNN!"

Journey Walks like a Lady. Live in Maryland.

One Amazing Thing I've Done

Getting to live and work overseas! Hsinchu, Taiwan was a blast!!!

Being able to help my Mom through the travail of having her leg amputated. :(

Chasing a bear in Yosemite!!! (no joke)Going to London.Ran a 10k in under 40 minutes (that was a lonnnnnng time ago though. And many pounds!!! :) )Being a crazy idiot and running the 2011 OKC Marathon with a badly injured right calf with a driving rain in the middle of a thunderstorm!!! Not sure which one was crazier. Running with a severely injured right calf, or running in the middle of a thunderstorm!!!Finished my first marathon! Route 66 Marathon, Tulsa, OK, Nov 20th, 2011. 49 more states to go!!!The Grand Canyon. It took my breath away!Halley's Comet!Comet Hale-Bopp (1997)Meteors (many)Taipei 101 (very tall building)What I want to see: The total eclipse of the sun near St. Louis on Aug. 21st, 2017!!!

Teach, Learn, Share

I hope to pass on my experiences in life to others, and also learn from others experiences.

Countries I've Visited

Japan, Mexico, Puerto Rico, Taiwan, United Kingdom, United States, Virgin Islands, U.S.

Countries I've Lived In

United States

Join Couchsurfing to see I_RUN2LIVE's full profile. It's free!

View Full Profile