CURRENT MISSION

to further myself by propelling straight ahead and never looking back.

ABOUT ME

pine needles
rose petals

these are the things that make sweet dreams
but sweet dreams are not made of these

sometimes i think in poetry
in rhymes, in rhythm, synchronism
pessimistic optimism

usually i think in locks and newborns and trees with two leaves missing that aren’t on the ground and sometimes i think in sentence fragments that are strung together by putty and string and every—thing is
blue

and orange

and white

and red

cool and warm

sometimes i am the fish that swim, the moths that flutter and try to get in
sometimes i am your horrible dreams, i’m all that seems, i am not all that seems
sometimes i am the heels that break
sometimes i’m the mistakes that you make
usually i am the words that you choose
when you’re beaten and bruised and torn and abused

usually i am the words that you say
when it all refuses to go away

always, i am the words unspoken
i linger inside when your circuits are broken

PHILOSOPHY

sometimes stories wrote themselves in my mind the way that newspaper folded without permission. smoke from incense--the stick kind, not the cone, i never liked those--didn't apply to the laws of light. it cast no shadows and no shadows were cast upon it. late into the night when i knew i should be asleep, i wondered (silence) why i couldn't see inside of myself to check if my own blood and guts could be the same.

dim.
and then normal, like the light remembered how to breathe after it came up from a ghastly vacation underseas. and the inside of my head, maze and blue and orange and all, let go. and i averted my eyes and noticed
dim.
and up. and rooted. two hours past, three hours, four. five. six hours. water begging to pour from my eyes but unable because i told it no, because those eyes were too busy trying to catch it, but they wouldn't. and then my sense of humour would find the screen that lit the room better than the lamp always did, anyway, and i'd forget the
dim.
but maybe i was simply
dim.
and i turned the lamp off. and i never did know the reason for.

and i thought of incense and shadows and noticed in a stranger's home that some of his shadows were still and some of them were moving but they were cast by the same light.
i wondered, when he came back inside from the hour-long phonecall from hell, whether he would see this too. i wondered if his shadows were all moving or were all still and knew they couldn't be both.
i bet good money he never noticed them at all. i went home. i tried to cry but it wouldn't come so i found honey roasted peanuts and netflix instead.

so attentive to details.
on a sticky note, to save the time (or pass it? or both.)

dear blue,
it was you that took
six darvocets. not me.
don't punish me for
your silly mistakes.
my liver can't tell the
difference and sometimes
i can't either.

i don't think there'd be room for the last three or six words depending on how small i wrote. maybe i could fit this too:

love,
sincerely,
yours, truly,

every colour that isn't you, or red, or green--though distantly. green is just fists and ant bites and tiaras and trivial things. green is weak and tried to take me over but there's a kindness in green's heart. green is the colour you dye the shirt you aren't sure about keeping because the original shade doesn't match your skin.

you could just throw it away. you could just bleach it. but shade doesn't deserve that. shade doesn't give way to shadow.

love,
sincerely,
yours, truly.

every colour that isn't you.

Why I’m on Couchsurfing

HOW I PARTICIPATE IN COUCHSURFING

in 2012, i hosted several surfers--all of which were an absolute joy. now, i am to be moving to california--though i've been to LA three times, i really want to get a feel for the city before i rent my own place. i plan to surf briefly through july before deciding the area of town in which i'd prefer to live in august.

COUCHSURFING EXPERIENCE

hosted a small slew of surfers from wales, australia, denmark, england and america. i have not been a surfer myself, but intend to do so very soon.

Interests

i'm a very spiritual person, honing my craft in film writing/directing/editing, playing the ukulele and overall trying to make life happen right.
i've got a certain fondness for the BBC as well.

• fish
• writing
• poetry
• fishing
• swimming

Music, Movies, and Books

radiohead.

mysterious skin.
lord of the flies.

One Amazing Thing I’ve Done

i think the most amazing things i've seen have been the simplest.
"no, you can keep the change, that's alright," with a smile.
colours all meshing together like they belong somewhere.
that's all it is, really. what makes amazing?