Hola - Privet - Was geht ab?

Do you want to visit Miami, have awesome adventures and create everlasting memories but are too poor to pay for a hotel?
I might be able to help...

I can offer you the comfiest couch in all Florida. Sleeping on it feels like making sweet love to a cloud. The only thing I ask in return is one of your kidneys.

Your host is an adventurous Mexican who loves traveling, food, and very dark humor:
What is worst than the Holocaust...?
Six Million Jews

If you laughed at that then you're fucking sexy.
Send a dark joke so I know you read this.

Also, I love to take pictures. I have a DSLR camera so we can tour around Miami, and take awesome pictures of you. This way you'll remember Miami properly and maybe finally get matches on Tinder.

Feel free to stalk me on Instagram so you know I'm not a black guy from Barbados: @Ltgaleana

Why I’m on Couchsurfing

To steal the kidneys of tourists and/or sell them as sex slaves.

*IMPORTANT / NON-NEGOTIABLE*
• I expect to hang out with my guests and create awesome stories. If you just want a place to sleep and shower while you're out getting wasted then go to a hotel. Oh right! You can't afford one. Cause you are poor, fat, ugly, and nobody loves you.

• You MUST provide food once. You can cook something from your country or we can go to amazing and non-expensive Peruvian, Venezuelan, Brazilian, or Cuban restaurants.

• I ONLY host on the weekends. This way I can guarantee my guests quality time, a good conversation, and tour them around.

• YES! I will take away your kidneys and/or sell you as a sex slave. Why everyone thinks this is a joke? Read the reviews.

Interests

I'm interested in healthy kidneys and sex trafficking.

• sex slaves
• orgies
• kidneys
• human trafficking
• organ trading
• chloroform
• sex parties

Music, Movies, and Books

Lolita

One Amazing Thing I’ve Done

I was in a race against 14 million other people! It was an exciting "dead or alive" adventure but I was victorious... 9 months later I came out of my mom's tummy.

- Snorkeled around the Great Coral Reef in Australia
- Swam with Great White Sharks in South Africa
- Swam at the Devil's Pool in Zimbabwe
- Walked the Great Wall of China
- Invited to the Latin Grammys in Las Vegas
- Performed a Frank Zappa tribute concert in Boston
- Won an award for having the freshest and cleanest kidneys in Florida.

Teach, Learn, Share

I can teach you how to remove kidneys.

I can teach you how to hide the smell of chloroform.

I can take awesome pics of you with my DSLR camera.

I can teach you how to squirt.

What I Can Share with Hosts

Beautiful moments that will stay in our hearts forever.

Cool pictures

Sex parties

STD's

Countries I’ve Visited

Australia, Canada, China, France, Italy, Mexico, South Africa, Spain, United States, Zambia, Zimbabwe

Countries I’ve Lived In

Mexico, United States