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This is my miserable story:
I love putting things at edges. I put them as if I will deal with them, but never find the courage to do so. A corner of my room is stuffed with clothes to be washed. Right edge of the shower cabin is full of empty shampoo bottles. Nearly every corner in my room contains some smelly used socks. The front left corner of my desk is the most overt example: it is covered with assignments to be done: Anne Karenina to be read, some FLED books, never to be read, and some drawings I have tried. Should I also talk about the dreams sticking to the frontal edge of my brain?
I sometimes try to put the inhabitants of the left corner in order; it is impossible unless I try to finish some of them. Every semester some new settlers come: FLED401, FLED411… What is Fled? It is not a worldwide brand. The first rule of Fled is you do have to know English. The second rule of Fled is you have to know how to teach. It is what I am going to do and be in the future. It is not what I meant to be when I was a kid. Those days, when the number of the things was reasonable for me to be able to put things in order, I had an interest in learning English, but being a teacher was not even a thought. I am not talking about the fading of an over-exaggerated childhood ambition of being an astronaut one day; my dreams were just to work in biology with microscopes and tubes someday. Wouldn’t it have been nice to follow those dreams? Or, was it really necessary to have some adults who tried to change them?
My grandfather (a former teacher back in the 1960s) is very content with my future profession. “You cannot find any other occupation as easygoing as being a teacher, especially if you are in a public school; you’ll have a considerable amount of regular salary and a holiday of two months.” He even tries to enhance my future financial conditions, with some very interesting advice. “Marry a teacher; then, you may double your income; you can live a luxurious life.” The teaching couples, unlike him, since he married a housewife, could buy cars and houses in the 1960-70s, he says. What he suggests is kind of a ‘convenience marriage’. You have to take the advantage of everything in life. Drop any other of your interests which are not lucrative to you. What about emotions? They are of no value, either.
It has been four years since I started studying in this department. Not that I do not like where I am, but my ambitions, plans and interests, I have put at the edge of my life. If I find the courage one day, I will track them down. For now, they are at the corner. Should I put my love there as well and maybe find a girl from my faculty as the old experienced man says? Till the day I become myself, write and draw as I am and crack some biology and love the one who is in my heart… Till the day I take my life from the corner and put it in the center, I am not myself.
We are living at the edge of our lives.
Wish to live at the center one day…
This was some thing I wrote last year. But Hopefully now i put my life in the center
I study film making in Shanghai. I am following my dreams.
I am a newby cinematographer. Filmmaking student. American football Player. Plus Champion of last season.
Why I’m on Couchsurfing
HOW I PARTICIPATE IN COUCHSURFING
I was not able to use it. for a long time. But I am starting to be a member again.
I participated in some couchsurfer meetings. Other than that,
I am a newby, so I don't have much experience
I like photography, travelling, swimming, playing basketball, watching movies and TV series, reading books,listening to every different kind of music and drawing.
- film making
- american football
Music, Movies, and Books
Tarantino and Guy Richie are my favorite directors. Lili from Aaron makes me feel a guy in the heaven who wants to come down to the real world. And Of course "I am a Melancholy Man".
One Amazing Thing I’ve Done
I sang and danced in Nangjingdonglu street, Shanghai.
I jumped into the shittiest lake in China. and swam there twice
My longest trip started from Shanghai to Hainan island! I know it is small for some but a big starting step for me!
Of course i don't cont the thing that I live in China
Countries I’ve Visited
Azerbaijan, China, Georgia, South Korea
Countries I’ve Lived In
Azerbaijan, China, Turkey