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shake some souls, move some worlds
In a nutshell, I was born in a hospital, grew up as a shy tomboy and then one day when I was 16 I woke up and I was really eccentric.
Between birth and then other things also happened.
___(insert life history here)___
IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢m 22 at present and my pastimes include analysing things - mostly dreams and people, being too openminded and afraid, writing, thinking and drinking too much, having long philosophical/bullshit rants, and having lame past times.
- And fears even. I know itÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s lame to be afraid of so much but I am all the time. Mainly of death, being possessed by demons, turning into my parents, forgetting how to speak Japanese, aging and the dark.
To elaborate on some of these points, I fear aging like people feared Y2K.
I fear the dark because part of me fears the unknown. The other part craves to explore and conquer it.
My dadÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s a narcoleptic and my mumÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s a primary school German teacher who dresses up in gorilla suits sometimes.
I want to be a writer because I find it easier to express myself on paper than in real 3D life
IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ve grown and changed a lot in the past 5 years
Which means I now value and live for meaningful and real relationships
(With lovers and friends)
Instead of temporary ones that exist purely for temporary highs
Most of the time I speak in codes and only people who really understand me understand what IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢m saying.
You may remember me from such films as:
Speak Like An Actual Human Dammit
Trying To Be Mysterious Is Lame Dot Com, and
Why CouldnÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t You Just Write A Normal Lengthed Paragraph About Me Blurb Like Most People
I like everything to mean something
With signs, metaphors, decoding things
Hidden all in a rhyme
The curse of ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËthere must be moreÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢
Some things are better when the light is off, or when thereÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s a mystery
(Take a breath)
I go off on tangents a lot of the time.
Like this one time when I was writing an about me blurb and I wanted to give an example of myself going on a tangent so I wrote this sentence just now.
I canÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t hold grudges or hate well.
I always see the best in people
Even when I shouldnÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t, or even when they donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t see the best in me.
(Take a breath)
My favourite songs would have to be...
1: RadioheadÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s Fake Plastic Trees
2. InterpolÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s Pioneer to the Falls
3. The PixiesÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ Hey
4. Paper RivalÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s Bluebird
5. Yeah Yeah YeahÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s Warrior
I like listening to Sigur Ros whilst star-gazing on Eildon Hill - which is probably one of my favourite places in the world - probably because IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ve never been anywhere - and really, itÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s just a water tank on some hobo hill. (Did you know Sigur Ros is comprised of bi-and-homosexual men? No, the lead singer is not a woman.)
(Take a breath)
IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ve had my fair share of almost lovers - which is probably why Interpol is one of my favourite bands
So many of their songs are about almost or unrequited love.
I like people to embrace songs that make me feel, because then itÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s like I have someone to feel them with.
I used to look like Emily The Strange when I was younger because I had dark hair, black eyes and a black cat.
I tend to meow really fast when IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢m upset even
I have a low tolerance to alcohol so I get paralytic really easily
And roll around like a tribal person
But if I was going to make myself a shirt
I would make one that said
ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËI drink to make other people seem more interestingÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢
(Take a breath)
IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢m not good at being subtle, succinct, or cool in anyway.
Probably because the people I find cool are the people that donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t try to be.
(Take a breath)
When I was 18, I experienced unusually psychotic nightmares for seven months.
Which was good in a way because it gave me fuel to write
But bad also, because I was pretty much an insomniac like the narrator in Fight Club for ages
Since those nightmares however, IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ve been completely fascinated with what the subconscious mind can tell you about yourself
Analysing what goes on in the subconscious mind (in dreams, in hypnosis etc) and researching stories where people have discovered that their dreams correlate with lives of people who lived centuries ago.
Recently, I read a book called ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËThe Creative Dreamer: Using Your Dreams to Unlock Your CreativityÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ which portrayed that dreams really are the production of the brainÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s creativity.
IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ve always felt it was important to try and decode dreams
Because these ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËhidden thoughtsÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ in your brain may help you understand why you are the way you are.
(Take a breath)
I have a psychotic/ stalkerish memory
I remember everything
ThatÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s heard, read, seen or said
I subconsciously note everything down in my head
And think too much
And you canÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t tell me to not think as much; because itÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s the only way I can figure people out,
Not be pregnant with doubt, itÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s the only way I can write
If you lose everybody
The only thing youÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ll be left with is your own head and your own thoughts
So in a way
YouÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ve got to face them someday
(Take a breath)
Some resolutions I would like to accomplish in the next few years would be to:
- get singing and/or gii-taar lessons
- get some things published
- build a closer relationship with my family
- move out into a sharehouse and build a mote around it
- go on a road trip to the most interesting and haunted places in the world
(Take a breath)
I guess I present many contradictions:
- The supernatural freaks the shit out of me, but likewise it completely fascinates me
- I fear getting older but at the same time look forward to it because you gain wisdom with age
- I can be really extroverted sometimes and really introverted other times (as we all can, I guess)
and usually I balance out situations so if IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢m around really quiet people IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ll be louder, and vice versa
-I become paralytic really easily but someone in control is all I want to be
- I do the dumb blonde image thing very well except
a) IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢m not naturally blonde and
b) IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢m not naturally dumb (it takes me at least a bottle of vodka to get there)
- Although I fear turning into my parents, IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢m starting to embrace it
especially turning into my mum
(my logic is this: sometimes crazy people make other people smile/even if these people are nodding their heads and walking backwards slowly at the same time)
- IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢m a perfectionist when it comes to my writing or things where IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢m being assessed on or judged by others - but not with things like tidiness
(Take a breath)
IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢m very openminded which means I donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t believe there has to be a logical and scientific explanation for everything
And that its okay to be agnostic about some things because some answers you will always be searching for.
Sometimes atheism seems like a bit of a cop out because none of us will ever know what happens after we die until it happens
So believing ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËnothing existsÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ is like saying
ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËI donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t believe in Paris even though IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ve never beenÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢.
I guess you could say that about any belief that canÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t be proven
But at least with ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËreligionÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ itÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s about hope in something
And ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËagnosticismÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ is about admitting that youÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ll always be searching for some kind of hope in something
But atheism is so anti-hope.
Which is fair enough because hope is one of the most destructive ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËdrugsÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢of all.
I just think some people are afraid to admit how much they need hope
Because it presents a conundrum
You canÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t live without it
But you have to make sure you donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t OD on it.
In saying that, people can believe what they want, as long as they donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t forcefully try to impose their beliefs on others.
And its great if you think my beliefs equal a high percentage of shit, because IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢m like a sponge with absorbing or at least contemplating other peoplesÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ beliefs and ideas
(Take a breath)
(A big breath)
At this stage of my life:
- that everything is connected and everything happens for a reason and there must be some higher force at work - whether itÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s some dude up there with a trident who is controlling everything (some god/buddah/monopoly man - or penguin)
Or some kind of energy, electricity or force. I believe that every one of us is linked together with universal consciousness (http://www.anunda.com/paradigm/unified-field.htm ).
ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËEverything is Energy.
There is no singularity or One-ness,
for every-thing exists in a Unified Field.
The Unified Field of Consciousness is the Source of Creation,
the no-thing which contains every-thing
the source and substance of every-thing known and unknown
from and within which all experience is constructed.ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢
(Take a breath)
I believe that people with ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËolderÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ souls are the more complex people (the ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËdeeperÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ people who think more about things),
And the people with ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËyoungerÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ souls are the people who are more simple-minded.
(Take a breath)
I believe that all ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËcreatorsÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ - artists of sounds, of paints, of words, - are usually mentally deranged in some way
Because itÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s like they need this mental distortion to have the higher level of perception of the universe that they have.
Peter Sellars and Kurt Cobain suffered from this curse
These people have a higher level of perception of this universe
ItÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s what gives them the fuel to be a master of sounds, of paint, of words
On stage with all the applause, a huge high is spurred
When there is no more clapping, to a dark realm, they are transferred
It is this mental disorder which makes them unique to mankind
They can profit off the loss of their mind
(Take a breath)
I believe that less is not always more
I see the value in being succinct sometimes,
and not giving your ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËwhole selfÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ away
Or your ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËwhole selfÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ to someone
Not letting a ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËfantasyÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ become a ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËrealityÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢
Or a ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËwhat could have beenÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ actually ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËbeÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢
ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËSome things should never be said or done
The fantasy bubble can never be burst you see
Because it is so perfect in the fantasy
You pop it
You cop it
Of the reality never being what you dreamed it would beÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢
But I also see the value in saying:
Why give a little when you can give it all
Why say a little when you can say everything you need to
And why hold back when you can gain and learn so much from trying
And ESPECIALLY from failing
People are always so afraid of failure
Which to me represents the biggest FAIL of all time
Because never trying
Means you gain nothing more than what you already have
(Unless you can live with/ or donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t mind settling for that?)
I believe that - as clichÃÆÃÂ©d as this saying is - laughter really is the best medicine
I believe that most wars are carried out using the politics of fear
I believe that nothing influences the world - i.e. peoplesÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ lives - more directly (in a cause-and-effect-funding-for-such-and-such-which-equals-standards-of-living-way) as politics
And that the people who say ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËI donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t care about politicsÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ are just ignorant to this/ or know this, but still donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t care
But how can you not care?
I believe that what goes on in your subconscious mind can tell you a lot about yourself
I believe the conversations you have with people ultimately determine the relationships you have with people. i.e. the deeper your conversations - the deeper your relationships
I believe itÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s rare to find people who actually ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËhearÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ eachother
I believe that love conquers all
I believe that new love can conquer heartbreak
I believe that if you try to put so much order into your life, it will eventually lead to disorder
I believe that - as clichÃÆÃÂ©d as this saying also is - you shouldnÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t judge a book by its cover because you never know whatÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s actually going on in the other personÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s head
And because above all else, appearances can be deceiving
I believe that so many people have contradictory personalities
I believe that everyone wears a mask of some kind
I believe that everyone has their own reasons for and means of escapism
I believe that sometimes you can fall in love with the idea of somebody, rather than the real 3D somebody
I believe that all I really ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËknowÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ is that ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËI donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t know enoughÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢
That maybe I believe in too much
And I donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t mean to sound like Martin Luther King with all this ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËI believingÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢
But I think it takes a lot more effort to actually believe in some things, than to be cynical
ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËMy epilepsy started with the smell of jasmine and that smell moved into my mouth, and when I opened my mouth after that,
All my words seemed coloured and I donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t know where this is my mother
Or where this is my illness, or whether, like her, I am just confusing fact with fiction,
And there is no epilepsy, just a clenched metaphor,
A way of telling you what I have to tell you,
Most of all
That even being alive is hard
But what matters more than anything
Is feeling alive
So there you go, I think I just broke some longest About Me blurb record
And now this is the scene
Where I walk off into the sunset
And never look back
I hope you can smile a little, love a little, run into ghosts from your past and shake their hand and say 'I don't think we have met'. I hope the sunshine falls through your bedroom window on the mornings when you need it most.
I am the most tired woman in the world. I am tired when I get up. Life requires an effort I cannot make. Please give me that heavy book. I need to put something heavy like that on top of my head. I have to place my feet under the pillows always, so as to be able to stay on earth. Otherwise I feel myself going away, going away at a tremendous speed, on account of my lightness. I know that I am dead. As soon as I utter a phrase my sincerity dies, becomes a lie whose coldness chills me. Don't say anything, because I see that you understand me, and I am afraid of your understanding. I have such a fear of finding another like myself, and such a desire to find one! I am so utterly lonely, but I also have such a fear that my isolation be broken through, and I no longer be the head and ruler of my universe. I am in great terror of your understanding by which you penetrate into my world; and then I stand revealed and I have to share my kingdom with you.
(Anais Nin)When I was a girl, my life was music that was always getting louder. Everything moved me. A dog following a stranger. That made me feel so much. I spent my life learning to feel less. Every day I felt less.Is that growing old? Or is it something worse? You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.(J.S.F)I know thereÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s no way to stand outand itÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s very easyto make someoneÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s throat clenchwith pianoand montage or a bit of slowmotion, soundtrackreally makesup for substancebut what have I got ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ just lineson whiteenvyand really, why bother wheneverything is so obviously impermanentI guess the great lie of our time is capture ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃâitÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s comforting to believeeverything can be caught, recordedand remembered,so we donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t have to appreciateanything in the moment.(Ashley Capes)I have given you this month and the 19 preceding it. All my months are yours. I am sorry for the darkness plaited between my fingers.I am cupping my hands around our candle, fanning it awake.I want to say ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËdonÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t leaveÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢. I want to say ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËplease stayÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢. I love you more, even, than I love myself. Is that bad? I do not want to say goodbye anymore. Hi. Hey. Hello. Hello, letÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s go home.(T.S.H)Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I've felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I've been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen. (Charlie Kaufman)Can you blame me for taking the world to heart?Anything can move me.The way friday follows thursday,A dog tied up outside a shop,A slip of the tongue,The mechanics of loveI don't believe in getting overthe ocean. I tried, but I couldn't and I won'tand I don'twant to ever forget the noise the waves make.Perhaps this makes me the fool,with a heart fit to burstHowling at the sky like a crazed wolfand making the moon promise to never leave.(T.S.H)This is not a book in the ordinary sense of the word.No, this is a prolonged insult,A gob of spit in the face of art,A kick in the pants to God, Man, Destiny, Time, Love, Beauty... what you will.I am going to sing for you, a little off key perhaps, but I will sing.I will sing while you croak.I will dance over your dirty corpse.To sing you must first open your mouth.You must have a pair of lungs,and a little knowledge of music.It is not necessary to have an accordion, or a guitar.The essential thing is to want to sing.This then, is a song.I am singing.(Henry Miller)Brod discovered 613 sadnesses, each perfectly unique, each a singular emotion, no more similar to any other sadness than to anger, ecstasy, guilt, or frustration. Sadness of Domesticated Birds. Sadness of Being Sad in front of OneÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s Parent. Humor Sadness. The sadness of Love Without Release.She was like a drowning person, flailing, reaching for anything that might save her. Her life was an urgent, desperate struggle to justify her life.BrodÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s life was a slow realization that the world was not for her, and that for whatever reason, she would never be happy and honest at the same time. She felt as if she were brimming, always producing and hoarding more love inside her. But there was no release. She addressed her world honestly, searching for something deserving of the volumes of love she knew she had within her, but to each she would have to say, I donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t love youÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃÂ¦.Nothing felt like anything more than it actually was.(J.S.F)
I am scattering myself like petals, like confetti, throwing myself into every corner I come across, hoping that something will stick. I want to be someone who is open to the small things, who loves the big things, who isn't afraid of the grey matter in between. I want to be someone who someone will hold.(T.S.H)
All the people I know are scattered like a star constellation. at night, the edges of my star map have a tendency of waning sharply, and I become painfully aware of the distance between myself and every point of light.(T.S.H)In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm! (Woody Allen)I used to work in a funeral home to feel good about myself, just the fact I was breathing.(Marla Singer)I'm not feeling very articulate today. And that's okay.Occasionally one must be incoherent to make sense, just as one must occasionally tell nothing but lies in order to tell the truth. And one must sometimes say the exact opposite of what one means in order to get one's point across.Because how do you express the inexpressible? How do you say even the simplest thing? You open your mouth and out of it come words that don't say what you really mean, and that fail to express what you want to express, and all they are in the end are futile units of sound that founder and crash to the ground or explode like so many syllabic Hindenburgs in the air, and if we could say just once what we really mean we'd finally be able to shut up, and be still, and not so eager to communicate this feeling we've had all our life, that a terrible mistake has been made, and nobody notices, and somewhere a ship is sinking, and we're on it.(Unremitting Failure)A man doesn't have time in his lifeto have time for everything.He doesn't have seasons enough to havea season for every purpose. Ecclesiasteswas wrong about that.A man needs to love and to hate in the same moment,to laugh and cry with the same eyes,with the same hands to throw stones and to gather them,to make love in war and war in love.And to hate and forgive and remember and forget,to arrange and confuse, to eat and to digestwhat historytakes years and years to do.A man doesn't have time.When he loses he seeks, when he findshe forgets, when he forgets he loves, when he loveshe begins to forget.And his soul is seasoned, his soulis very professional.Only his body remains foreveran amateur. It tries and it misses,gets muddled, doesn't learn a thing,drunk and blind in its pleasuresand its pains.He will die as figs die in autumn,shriveled and full of himself and sweet,the leaves growing dry on the ground,the bare branches pointing to the placewhere there's time for everything.(Yehuda Amichai)Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living.(J.S.F)There are people who do not know you. but by some twist of creativity, you know them. they write music or they write stories, or they move you in some other powerful way. and you think ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃËthis wasnÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t written for me,' and it sends a shiver down your spine, because you cannot understand how someone who doesnÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t know you can look into your heart so completely.(T.S.H)This is love, she thought, isn't it? When you notice someone's absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?(J.S.F)and I could take another hit for youand I could take away your trips from youand I could take away the salt from your eyesand take away the spitting salt in you...If I could take the fire out from the waterI'd take you where nobody knows youAnd nobody gives a damnAbout your bloodyour bonesyour voiceand your ghost(Wolf Parade - I'll Believe in Anything)You love white veins,you love hard grey,the heaviest weight,the clumsiest shape,the earthiest smell,the hollowest toneyou love a stone.You love a stone,because it's dark and it's old,and if it could startbeing aliveyou'd stop living alone.And I think I believe that,if stones could dream,they'd dream of being laidside-by-side,piece-by-piece,and turned into a castlefor some towering queenthey're unable to know.(Okkervil River - A Stone)My epilepsy started with the smell of jasmine and that smell moved into my mouth, and when I opened my mouth after that,All my words seemed coloured and I donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t know where this is my motherOr where this is my illness, or whether, like her, I am just confusing fact with fiction,And there is no epilepsy, just a clenched metaphor,A way of telling you what I have to tell you,My tale(Lauren Slater)Ya, I'm just really busy you know, IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢ve just got so much on my plate. I got this uh, tofu salad and itÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢s just going everywhere man.(The Bedroom Philosopher)Being with him made my brain quiet. I didn't have to invent a thing.(JSF)Art comes to you proposing frankly to give nothing but the highest quality to your moments as they pass.(Walter Pater)We donÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t know why artists talk the way they do, they must think people are listening. They walk around conjuring up theories to justify their complete superfluousness, just like everybody else does.(ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¹ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¹MÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¹aÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¹xÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¹ ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¹EÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¹rÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¹nÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¹sÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¹t)So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future.(Jon Krakauer - Into the Wild)I'll send you a postcard from a house down the road from real love.(Stars - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead)You're such a nutcase, I can't even begin to keep up.(Marla Singer)The people you've been beforeThat you don't want around anymore(Elliott Smith - Between the Bars)I love you means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when youÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢re in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when youÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢re down, not just when youÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢re fun to be with. ÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃÅI love youÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃÂ means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me.(Anonymous)Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.(Donnie Darko)Look through me because I am transparentOught to know me but why even know yourselfI'm beginning to need all that I can't haveI'm succeeding to speak like I'm fucking mad(The Vines - Autumn Shade II)I know you tried, you tried straight into my heartYou fly straight into my heartI know you try, you fly straight into my heartBut here comes the fall...So much for make believe, I'm not soldSo much for dreams we see, I'm not prepared to knowYour heart makes me feelYour heart makes me boldFor always and everI'll never let goAlways concealedSafe and inside, aliveBut the soul can waitI felt you so much todayÃÂ¢Ãâ¬ÃÂ¦(Interpol - Pioneer to the Falls)She looks like the real thingShe tastes like the real thingMy fake plastic loveBut I can't help the feelingI could blow through the ceilingIf I just turn and runIt wears me outIf I could be who you wantedIf I could be who you wanted all the time(Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees)Study it allThe wings, the crowd, your face(Yeah Yeah Yeah's - Warrior)Used to be one of the rotten onesAnd I liked you for thatNow you're all gone, got your make-up onAnd you're not coming backCanÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢t you come back?Broken Social Scene - Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old GirlHey, been trying to meet youMust be a devil between usOr whores in my headWhores at my doorWhores in my bedBut hey, where have you been?If you go I will surely dieWe're chained(The Pixies - Hey)I chase them away with alcoholbut they don't get drunkThe ghosts around your cityhave all got my name,I wondered how I'm glowing,I wondered why I'm glowing(Gomez - Chasing Ghosts With Alcohol)Loose lips sink ships...Dont Look at me, IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢m only breathingDont look at me, IÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢m indiscreetYouÃÂ¢Ãâ¬Ãâ¢re sharp alright(The National - Cherry Tree)Well, maybe it's just because I didn't know you at all(Jeff Buckley - Last Goodbye)The killer in me is the killer in you(Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm)There's something that's invisible,There's some things you can't hide,Try detect you when I'm sleeping,In a wave you say goodbye...She broke away, broke awayStella I love you(Interpol - Stella Was A Diver And She Was Always Down)To vanish into oblivionIs easy to doAnd I try to be but you know meI come back when you want me toDo you miss me, Miss MiseryLike you say you do?(Elliott Smith - Miss Misery)
Why I’m on Couchsurfing
HOW I PARTICIPATE IN COUCHSURFING
I'll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon
I've couchsurfed with a sock puppeteer, a cuddle therapist, a corset maker, austrian fiddlers, and many more kuhrayzee homo sapiens
analysing people, narcolepsy, zombie modelling, nudist festivals, Dream Decoding, having an age complex, having a complex about having complexes, meowing really fast, Frothing at the Mouth, Drawing Graphs, using analogies that catastrophically suck, morphing into courtney love, fearing turning into my parents, Enneagram of Personality, Losing Things, Self-deprecation, fearing the dark, World peace, creating clothes mountains, fearing forgetting how to speak japanese, Jedi, fearing being possessed by demons, Fearing Death, Drinking Too Much, Thinking too much, having philosophical/bullshit rants
Music, Movies, and Books
Music i froth at the mouth over:
The Beatles, Radiohead, The Pixies, Interpol, Frightened Rabbit, The National, Smashing Pumpkins, Jeff Buckley, Broken Social Scene, Sigur Rós, Sufjan Stevens, Band of Horses, Okkervil River, The Postal Service, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (Official Page), Elliott Smith, Iron & Wine, Florence and the Machine, MY FICTION, The Jezabels, PJ Harvey, Architecture in Helsinki, The Velvet Underground, Neil Young, The xx, The Silents, The Cranberries, Weezer, The Dandy Warhols, The Shins, The Liar's Chair, Fleetwood Mac, Editors, José González, Sonic Youth, Cold War Kids, The Cure, The Gin Club, Fleet Foxes, David Bowie (Official), Brian Jonestown Massacre, Thom Yorke, The Smiths, The Kooks, Bon Iver, Arcade Fire, Antony And The Johnsons, Angus and Julia Stone, Ben Folds Five, Nirvana, Death Cab for Cutie, Kings Of Leon, Why?, Stars, The Vines, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, My Survival Kit, Modest Mouse, Shearwater, Tegan and Sara, Gregory and the Hawk
Movies i froth at the mouth over:
Requiem for a Dream, Donnie Darko, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Garden State, Thumbsucker, Chumscrubber, Candy, Jesus Camp, Stranger than Fiction, Almost Famous, Across the Universe, Snowcake, The Butterfly Effect, The Jacket, Look Both Ways, Burn After Reading, Crash, The Fountain, Princess Mononoke, The Runaways Movie, Lars and the Real Girl, Amelie, Elizabethtown, The Motorcycle Diaries, 500 Days of Summer, High Fidelity, Edward Scissor Hands, Howl's Moving Castle, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, American Beauty, Suburban Mayhem, Mysterious Skin, Lolita, The Kovak Box, Spun, Into the Wild, I'm Not There, Control, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Empire Records, The Notorious Bettie Page, Shawshank Redemption, Spirited Away
TV shows i froth at the mouth over (although i don't watch much anymore):
Skins, Dexter, Weeds, Boston Legal, Family Guy, The Simpsons, Heroes, Lost, Little Britain, Mighty Boosh, South Park, Flight of the Conchords, The Young Ones, Fawlty Towers, Entourage, My So-Called Life, The Chaser's War on Everything, The Gruen Transfer, How I Met Your Mother, Spicks and Specks
Books i froth at the mouth over:
1984, Alice In Wonderland, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Fight Club, Tuesdays with Morrie, Women Who Run With the Wolves, Handmaid's Tale
One Amazing Thing I’ve Done
lost my burning man virginity in 2010!
Teach, Learn, Share
I could teach you how to wrestle a crocodile, obviously...
Countries I’ve Visited
Austria, Canada, France, Germany, Greece, Italy, Mexico, New Zealand, Poland, Spain, Switzerland, United Kingdom, United States
Countries I’ve Lived In
Australia, Germany, United States